A particular kind of false hope can keep you believing there’s more to your new relationship than there really is.

This scenario can be difficult to recognize when you’re caught up in the feelings and possibility of what the relationship could become. Without realizing it, you find yourself holding onto someone’s potential instead of experiencing the relationship that actually exists.

You see the good in them, but you keep hoping for more occasions when they truly show up. These moments keep you holding onto the possibility of what your new partner might eventually give you.

Signs that you are holding onto their potential and hoping they will improve:

1. You are waiting for them to heal from their past relationship.
2. You are hoping they will eventually be able to openly communicate rather than leaving you guessing how they feel.
3. There is a belief that they will become more emotionally available.
4. They will eventually be more attentive and less distant with you.
5. You are hoping there will be more of an effort made to prioritize you and the relationship.
6. You have faith that their words will translate into action instead of continually making promises they can’t keep.
7. There is hope that they will discontinue disappointing behaviour and become the person you believe they can be.

Naturally, you want to give someone the benefit of the doubt, but you also have to be realistic about what is actually happening in your new relationship. If you’re wishing for someone to change and you just need to be patient, you could be waiting for a long time. This is when hope can quietly become a trap. You need to pay close attention to what they say and what their actions are telling you. Are they aligned?

There is a difference between giving your partner room to grow and building a false relationship around the expectation that it will grow.

You may spend too much time relating to someone’s potential and overlooking what their behavior is actually telling you in the present. Some people hold onto the few good things that happened in their relationship. Unfortunately, those moments are not enough to sustain longevity in a committed partnership.

When you’re always anticipating that things will get better, you’re not paying attention to what is really going on. You’re talking yourself into thinking that this could be something wonderful. “I don’t want to give up on them because I’ve seen who they can be. We have some really good moments together.” We can all be good when we want to be, but daily consistency builds a strong foundation in a relationship.

So, saying all this, is there a chance the relationship could get better? Or is it doomed from the start?

People can grow, and relationships can change, but it takes two people to work through difficulties together as a team. You don’t have to stop believing in someone’s potential, but you have to be very careful not to build your life around it. That option comes at your expense.

Pay attention to behaviours that aren’t working; they speak louder than any promises made. Don’t let a few good moments convince you to dismiss things that repeatedly hurt or frustrate you. What matters is consistent effort and follow-through, not just the occasional glimpse of who someone might become. Don’t keep waiting for someone’s potential to become the reality while putting your own needs on hold.

You can have feelings for your partner and still recognize they are not giving you the relationship you need. At some point, you have to stop asking, “Will this get better?” and start asking, “Is this good enough for me as it is?”

Your life is happening right now, not someday down the road when your partner finally becomes the person you wish they would be. While you’re waiting for them to change, you may be missing the opportunity to find someone who already has the qualities you value most in a relationship. You deserve to be happy with the person you’re with today, not the person you keep hoping they will become tomorrow.

Please watch the video and leave your comments below. Thank you for visiting me here. Sybersue xo

Private Dating Relationship Coaching With Sybersue – Please get in touch with me at [email protected] to set up a video or audio appointment within 24 hours. Thank you!

Susan McCord @ Dear Sybersue YouTube – Dear Sybersue Facebook

Dear Sybersue Blogs & Advice Column – Dear Sybersue Instagram

Related