This is the third in a series of articles I’m writing about what I am learning about life, love, and health since the shocking call from my doctor following my yearly visit to my cardiologist.

                “Your recent tests show that you need a pacemaker to prevent serious heart problems.”

                In the first article, “Living and Loving After Getting a Pacemaker,” I described my earlier problems with tachycardia when my heart would suddenly speed up, treatment I received, and the things I had learned.

                In the second article, “For My Children, Grandchildren, and Great Grandchildren,” I talk about my own family history and the things I have learned in my eight-three years of life that I want to pass on to future generations. In this article, I will explore the deeper things I am learning about love, life, and the changes we go through at various stages in our lives.  

                I went back to the hospital on Monday to check on my pacemaker and be sure everything was working OK. Tests showed that everything is working fine and messages are being transmitted back to the doctors whenever my heart gets out of rhythm.

                As my cardiologist described to me, in some ways the electrical system that keeps our heart in rhythm is similar to the wiring in our houses. As we get older things can get out of sync in the same way that the wiring in an old house can become faulty and cause problems. Putting in a pacemaker gives me the help I need to keep the electrical system of my heart working properly.

                I’m still getting used to having a physical object in my chest and learning to work with this new partnership between my biological and psychological self and the technology that allows my doctors the ability to know what is going on with my heart’s electrical system.

                I am amazed that this modern technology not only alerts my doctor to the inner workings of my heart but automatically sends an electrical signal to both chambers of my heart to get them back into a healthy rhythm.

                Although I appreciate the technological wonders of modern medicine that can keep us alive and well, I also like to tune into the lessons that illnesses and malfunctions can teach us.

                I believe there is deep wisdom within our body/mind/spirit that connects us to the wisdom of the universe. In my recent morning walk and meditation, I asked what I needed to learn by developing the arrythmia that created the need for the pacemaker. What came back to me was that I needed to learn more about “the rhythms of love as we age.”

New Wisdom About the Rhythms of Love and Life

                For me, matters of the heart have always been associated with love. From the time I was nine years old I used to take the bus from our home in the San Fernando Valley into Hollywood where I would get off at Hollywood and Vine and go on adventures. This was the early 1950s, a time when the world was safer, or seemed so, and where a single mom could trust a mature boy like me to go off in the morning and return safely by late afternoon.

                One of my favorite adventures was to walk to Grauman’s Chinese Theater. Established by showman Sid Grauman, this iconic venue was known for its distinctive Chinese pagoda architecture and had been a significant landmark in Los Angeles since its opening in 1927. The theatre hosted numerous film premieres and events, making it a central location for Hollywood’s glitz and glamour. It was the site of the Academy Awards from 1944 to 1946, further solidifying its status in the film industry.

                I would pay $1.00 to see a show $.25 for a box of popcorn. I would lose myself in romantic movies like Three Coins in the Fountain, where I imagined falling in love with a beautiful woman at the Trevi Fountain in Rome or being the jewel thief Pépé le Moko who was lured out of the Casbah by the beautiful Yvonne De Carlo. I took seriously the love lessons I learned from the Academy Award Nominated song, “For Every Man There’s a Woman.”

                I can still remember the words and hear the music in my mind.

For every man there’s a woman
For every life there’s a plan
And wise men know it was ever so
Since the world began, woman was made for man
Where is she, where is the woman for me?

                For those who visit my website, MenAlive, you are greeted by my welcome video, “Confessions of a Twice Divorced Marriage Counselor.” Through the years I learned that wisdom offered about love and marriage in romantic movies of the 1950s was engaging but limited in its ability to help a young boy learn about what it means to be a man and have a successful relationship with a woman.  

                My wife, Carlin, and I have been married for forty-six years. It was the third marriage for both of us. We had both grown up in dysfunctional families, raised by single mothers following the divorce from our fathers. When we first met and fell in love in 1980, the rhythm of our love was intense, fast, and furious.

                We each had children from our previous relationships (she had three and I had two) and we raised her youngest son and my daughter together. During the child-rearing years I would describe the rhythm of our love was like constantly juggling multiple balls in the air, picking them up when they fell, and trying to find time to love ourselves and each other.

                After the kids were grown up, left the nest, and were out on their own, we finally had time for ourselves. We devoted more time to our own work. Carlin started a School for Joyful Living and Sacred Action. She wrote her first book, Love It, Don’t Label It: A Practical Guide for Using Spiritual Principles in Everyday Life. I travelled more, spoke at conferences and wrote the international best-sellers Male Menopause and Surviving Male Menopause: A Guide for Women and Men. We had time to travel together and enjoyed romantic days and nights together. Our rhythm of love was free and easy, fun, and frolicking.

                We really didn’t think much about aging. If we thought about it at all, we just assumed that we’d just continue on the joyful path we were on. All that changed suddenly three-and-a-half years ago when Carlin slipped on a wet sidewalk and called me in distress. I was able to get her to the hospital but soon found she had broken her hip and needed surgery. During the surgery, she suffered a mild stroke (if any stroke can be considered mild).

                She went from being strong and independent to needing a great deal of care and support. I took over many of the tasks she used to do including paying the bills and doing our taxes. Carlin turned eighty-eight in July, and she has worked hard to regain her strength, work with her changed cognition, and continue doing things she loves.

                The rhythm of our love now is deeper, slower, and simpler. We are clearly in a new period of love and life and learning to navigate the mysterious new world we find ourselves in. Life continues to be a beautiful and mysterious adventure.

                I always look forward to hearing from readers. If you haven’t already, I invite you to subscribe to my free weekly newsletter and read new articles when they are published.