Today’s topic on Dear Sybersue is a popular conversation. Dating Advice: The Mistake of Being Intimate Too Soon

Some people feel an instant sexual attraction to someone they are dating. Even if this is reciprocated, there are things to be aware of. This attraction can create a premature sense of emotional attachment before an established trust exists. It is not uncommon for some men and women to rely on this chemistry. They need this before even thinking about entering into any new connection.

This becomes a repetitive pattern that leads to difficulties in forming deep, lasting relationships. Over time, it can create cycles of disappointment. Misunderstandings arise where one or both people feel disconnected or taken for granted. Breaking this pattern is hard when you have become used to instant sexual gratification.

Early expressions of intense intimacy and affection can appear in many forms.

This can consist of sexual compliments, intense physical or emotional closeness, and over-the-top love bombing. There is also an expectation to have sex early on. This can be very overwhelming for some men and women on the first few dates. Everyone has different comfort levels, which should always be respected before anything is assumed.

Being affectionately aggressive is a big turn-off to many people. This behaviour is a red flag that this person has limited boundaries. Someone who comes in fast can also signify a sign of neediness. It often feels rehearsed. Meaning that they act this way with everyone they date!

Even if the lustful attraction is quickly reciprocated, it doesn’t usually last for too long.

It is not uncommon for one person to pull away shortly after the initial intensity slows down. This creates a lot bad date scenarios or short-lived relationships that only last for 1-3 months. Having a powerful sexual connection right away can be overwhelming. This can cause some people to run in the opposite direction just as quickly. They freak out that everything is happening way too soon, even though they may be the ones who initiated it!

Allowing intimacy too early can actually reduce the trust between a new couple. When you don’t take the time to get to know someone, attraction can fade quickly. This is because a stable foundation hasn’t been built to support the sexual chemistry. It takes a lot more than sex and intimacy to sustain a long-term partnership!

How do you slow the pace and keep things from escalating into the bedroom too quickly?

1. Be consistent by making plans to see them, but reduce any pressured intensity.
2. Do not try to win them over by love bombing them with excessive attention, grand romantic gestures, or gifts. This can come across as if you are trying too hard, or you are controlling.
3. Gentle flirtation is fine, but hold back from intimate touch or early sexual discussions.
4. Be mindful not to overshare your emotions. This will put you in a more vulnerable position than the other person and can leave you feeling exposed. It can also create an unbalanced situation when it’s not reciprocated.
5. Limit your daily texting between dates. Do not bombard them with messages, especially while they are at work. Be creative and concise with your words when you do text. Cryptic or vague texts are frustrating and confusing. Always be clear, so there are no questions.
6. Allow some space between dates, but don’t play games. At the end of your first date, plan another date. Schedule it a week later so they know they are going to see you again. You want to miss each other a little. Confirm the date during the week with all the particulars. This starts to build an early trust that you are sincere and will follow through with things. Too many people feel insecure due to how much ghosting has gone on in the dating arena.
7. Share fun stories, not heavy emotional disclosures. Do not discuss your past dating experiences or talk about an Ex.
8. Be playful! Make your time together fun. Take turns planning the dates.
9. Humour can instantly elevate a date and will keep them coming back for more. We all like to laugh, and it also adds chemistry and a comfortable vibe to a date.
10. Reassure one another that you are on the same page with how things are going. Tell them you are enjoying your time with them, and you look forward to seeing them each time. A kiss and hug goodnight is a nice touch without implementing any other physical expectations.

Hey, I get it. It can be really difficult not to jump in fast when you have a deep sexual chemistry with someone. Unfortunately, falling into this trap usually creates a similar outcome each time. It gives you a false sense of security, but often ends as quickly as it started. Things work out much better when there is time for the attraction to grow naturally. Early intensity can start to change the dynamics from excitement to obligation. There needs to be some time and space for mutual interest to grow between a new couple.

If you genuinely feel a reciprocated attraction, talk to each other about slowing things down. Having this attraction is a really good start, but you will need much more than that to make things work.

Allow your connection to progress naturally and focus on building a strong foundation first. Prioritizing this will give you both a better chance of having a long-term committed partnership. This is more rewarding and sustainable than jumping in too quickly, looking for repetitive instant sexual fulfillment.

Please watch the video below for more information on today’s topic.

 Sybersue xo

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