Is your dating checklist helping, or holding you back? Are your dating standards too high? The qualities that seemed most important at one stage of your life may not be what you value today. Revisiting your priorities ensures they reflect who you are now.

If your checklist is primarily about income status, physical appearance, sexual chemistry or wanting a specific career type, you are overlooking important qualities. Kindness, emotional maturity, trustworthiness, and strong communication are important characteristics to look for if you’re ready for a committed partnership. Superficial traits that initially attract you aren’t always the ones that sustain a lasting relationship.

Photo by Katerina Holmes:

Rigid expectations can limit opportunities.

While it is important to ask questions and open communication lines, both sexes need to temper their expectations. You should enjoy the moment and not make harsh judgements early on. First impressions are crucial, so checking off the boxes with each tedious question does not create a great atmosphere. It comes across like an interview rather than a casual encounter. You can find out some wonderful things about a person just by engaging in friendly conversation.

If you are attracting similar people that aren’t working out for you, your expectations have taken on a negative pattern. If all your dates look the same, act the same and end in the same way, this has become a choice for you. You are in charge of who you attract, so it might be time to really think about that.

Online dating now has become a quick elimination process.

Some men and women almost look for flaws, which quickly sabotages any first meeting.  People swipe by so quickly online that they don’t even take time to read someone’s dating profile. If there isn’t an instant attraction, they immediately swipe left toward the next person. This is one of the reasons so many people are lonely today. Even if you do make it to the first date, they often decide that this date falls short of their checklist requirements.  

Have dating apps made us too picky by convincing us there is always someone better just a swipe away? Are we passing on genuine potential because we believe the next profile will be a better match? The reality is that no one will check every box on your list. When you become too focused on finding perfection, you can easily overlook some amazing people. Healthy relationships are built on compatibility and character rather than a flawless checklist.

One of my YouTube subscribers believes everyone should go on at least two dates with each person they are messaging. He feels that if you have a great verbal connection, there is something worth exploring. I agree with him. Each person we come in contact with is there for a purpose. It is important to recognize that every encounter has something valuable to teach you.

People are so quick to judge and make assumptions without giving others a second look. Not everyone is comfortable being on a dating site. They could be new to dating and shy about the whole process. We all have something to offer, and there is someone for everyone. We need to slow down and focus on a person’s character instead of looking for reasons to rule them out.

What Should Our Checklist Priorities Look Like?

1. Character. Are they kind, loving, thoughtful, and loyal? Do they follow through with things? Do their actions and words match?
2. Compatibility. You have common interests, shared values, you’re both emotionally available, mutual respect, and similar relationship goals.
3. Attraction. Intellectual, emotional, spiritual and physical/sexual attraction are all important. Too many people place sexual chemistry as the #1 priority.
4. Communication. Can you talk openly to each other? Are you emotionally connected? Are you both emotionally available?
5. Personality. Do they make you laugh, make you a priority, make you think, and add to your life?
6. Career. You mutually respect and encourage each other’s goals and aspirations.
7. Marriage or commitment goals. Are you both on the same page?
8. Parenting. You are both equally on board with either wanting children, being open to stepchildren, or not having children.
9. Location and Living Arrangements. Is it important where you live? Do you need to be close to family and loved ones? This is a big one for a lot of couples if they don’t live in the same city when they first meet.
10. Religious beliefs should be aligned. This can be a big relationship dealbreaker in some cultures.

Of course, this list is generalized, and each person should categorize their checklist according to what works best for them. Children or religion may be higher on your list than someone else’s. Prioritizing money or looks may get you the odd date, but it is ultimately a shallow approach to long-term happiness.

Be realistic when preparing your checklist. Look in the mirror and really see yourself for who you are. Consider how you want others to see you as well.  No one is perfect, and we have to start giving others a chance without negative judgment.  As I said earlier, there is always a reason someone enters your life. No matter how brief the moment, embrace it.

*Please watch the video below for more information on today’s topic.

Thank you, Sybersue xo

Private Dating Relationship Coaching With Sybersue – Please get in touch with me at [email protected] to set up a video or audio appointment within 24 hours. Thank you!

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