On a sunny afternoon at a beautiful outdoor wedding, one of the bridesmaids meets a handsome bachelor.

He was tall, handsome and apparently the CEO of a local company.

And she was slim, beautiful and bit of a socialite herself. 

These 2 hit it off straight away, within weeks they became inseparable. 

Within 6 months, they moved in together, and even adopted a cat named socks. 

From the outside things were looking great. However things weren’t always what they seem.

The woman began to feel unwell often. As the doctors would confirm, she was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease.

So not only was she weighed down by lethargy every day, she started to put on more and more weight.

But instead of helping her deal with this disease and just overall being there for her, her man mocked her and pressured her to lose the weight.

After all, he didn’t want to be seen publicly with a “larger” woman.

In other words, he wanted to preserve his image more so than he wanted to see her healthy and happy. 

So not only did her health take a major hit, so did her self esteem. And instead of support, all she got was disapproval, rejection and humiliation. 

Eventually as you can imagine, they broke up and he never contacted her again. 

Some would suggest that it was so unfortunate that she had to contract this disease, however you can also say that it was blessing in disguise as it completely revealed his character.

And a man’s character is exactly what I want to focus on in this article. We’re going to discuss the 7 new truths on men that they hide from smart women. 

MORE: 5 Simple Signs He Is NOT An Alpha Male.

#1: A man who is overly concerned about image will throw you under the bus and abandon you

You can’t value your image and put your relationship first, because one is antagonistic to the other.

When a man values his image (for example, how you make him “look” in front of others), he’s putting a subjective ideal first. A subjective ideal that other people may not share, let alone understand.

Look: there are some behaviors that are objectively scornful. And if you engaged in these behaviors, you’d lose your own friends and potentially his friends, too.

For example, you showing up with intent to harm others. But otherwise, most what you do publicly is up to subjective interpretation. Having a bit of extra weight on you is not a reason for a guy to devalue you.

For those people who value their image, you have to realize that this “image” is a set of rules they made up based on their own fantasy. It doesn’t reflect reality.

As such, you have to understand that a man who consistently puts his image first devalues you and your relationship by default.

In order for anyone to put their lover first, they must let go of attachment to their image.

The “image” is a self created fantasy that undermines emotional connection, trust and intimacy.

MORE: Future Faking: 8 Signs, Examples & Why Narcissists Lure You With It.

#2: There are men who are slaves to female admiration, & there are men who aren’t…

There are men who are desperate for admiration from women in general, and there are men who only want their one and only to admire them.

If a man seeks out female validation and admiration, that’s a red flag more often than not. It could also be a sign that he has anxious or avoidant attachment style.

For more on the 4 types of attachment styles in relationships, CLICK to read this article.

One could argue that on some level, all men like the female species appreciating them and their efforts, but seeking out attention from women is a sign of an addiction to female attention.

That’s problematic. That’s maladaptive. It means he’s seeking something today that he never got in the past (and he doesn’t even realize it).

That something is the all-encompassing love of his parents that he never got. And the worst part about it is that by the time a man gets to this point, he’s way past understanding it or being aware of it.

Can you make a man aware that he’s seeking the all encompassing love of his parents in the form of approval in women?

I’m sure you can. But if he’s not on board with healing that addiction, (which most avoidants will not be – however anxious are different)….then you have little hope of turning him into a securely attached man.

Your best bet is to attract a securely attached man into your life. Take it from someone who’s been healing from anxious attachment for 20 years – life isn’t fun with an insecurely attached person.

You’re risking being hurt and emotionally abandoned. And so you have to be aware of that and either accept it, or move onto something better.

Related: How to Let Go Of An Avoidant Man When You’re Anxious (+ Advice If You’re Secure).

Your ability to find and attract a secure man also comes down to your own attachment style. You can discover your own CORE attachment style (and get a score for how secure you are) by taking my quiz. I’ve mbedded it here:

(Why is this important? It is because your core attachment style largely dictates and influences what happens in your relationship. Thus it’s imperative you understand your core attachment style!) 

Do the quiz: What is my attachment style?

#3: A loyal man stays that way

…He doesn’t change because a hot woman tries to seduce him. Here’s what you have to understand:

For some men, loyalty is not in their blood.

But for the men whom loyalty is in their blood, your sexual attractiveness and desire to seduce him will not change a thing. 

MORE: 10 Telltale Signs He Is A Highly Evolved, Deeply Masculine Alpha MALE.

Here’s a video I made on this exact topic: 7 NEW Truths on Men (That They Hide From Smart Women):

Loyal men hold the belief that they have everything they need and they’d rather be left alone. Yes, there are men like that out there.

Disloyal men would try to get some secretly, whether it be just validating looks from attractive women, or actual sex on the side with other women.

Once a man is willing to go that far, stopping him is hard. In fact, it never was your job to begin with.

I used to believe loyal men didn’t exist. I honestly believed it was a lie. An impossible thing. If you ask the distant, mistrustful voice in the back of my mind whether I still believe, she might hesitate, but life has shown me that loyalty does exist in men.

Because these men see value in different things than what disloyal men see value in.

In other words, a loyal man has learned that intimacy is where the value is, not surface validation.

He either learns this over time, or he learns it naturally at a young age through being exposed to good natured people in his childhood. People who gave him everything a child could’ve asked for.

And if you’re thinking that’s a sign of secure attachment, you may be right! Securely attached men are a different breed.

This doesn’t mean securely attached men are always loyal by default, but it does mean that they have greater internal resourcefulness to value real intimate relationships and play the long game.

Recommended reading: Anxious Avoidant Relationship: 7 Steps To Fix It & Should You Fix It?

#4: A man who can’t think independently can’t offer long-term value to you

It is ideal for you if a masculine man has the ability to think independently. And by independently, I mean he needs to have the ability to come up with his own thoughts based upon his own objective observations and research.

And for independent thinking to come full circle, he then needs to weigh up opposing views and decide based upon those opposing views.

So this is the opposite of going along with groupthink. This is the opposite of doing what other people do in order to keep your social circle.

Admittedly, this is hard to do. I’m from Australia, and while it’s probably similar in many other countries in the world, in this country there are a lot of grown men and women who hang onto their social groups at any cost.

Thinking differently to your friends can get you shunned in a millisecond.

On top of that, people are happy with their comfortable lives with their comfortable friends, and whilst there’s value in that, it’s not an ideal mindset to have in this day and age.

In this day and age, we don’t have the social cohesion, freedom and stability we once had. People are a lot more divided, isolated and afraid (or in survival mode).

In times like these, there’s huge long term value in having a man who can think independently.

Related: How to Understand Men: 5 Insights On Men To Ease Your Worries.

I’ll give you a warning on these men though:

They’re not always easy to be with, because they may not make the same decisions as your own friends, and you may lose friends in the process of trusting your man’s direction.

That’s the price to pay. (I didn’t say there wasn’t a price to pay for choosing an independent thinker, did I?)

So YES, there’s absolutely a price to pay for choosing an independent thinker.

But that price isn’t just that you may lose friends or social approval.

It’s that you may:

• Be forced to question what you’ve always believed.
• You might have to live life differently to how others live it.
• You’ll have to give up attachment to things you never wished to give up attachment to.

But in the process, you’ll gain:

• A life lived based on the truth.
• Freedom from social ties you secretly resent.
• The ability to think deeper for yourself because you’re with a man who can think for himself.

#5: Youth matters to men, but not in the way you assume

Like many women, I’ve had a moment of panic in the past, wondering what life would be like when I got older.

Would I be devalued in men’s minds when I’m no longer young and fresh? Would I be abandoned just for being old?

And truth is, there are men who will abandon you for being old, but that’s because they were that kind of man in the first place. The loss of your youth was just the thing that pushed them over the edge.

They probably abandoned you emotionally in many ways leading up to that point; you just weren’t aware of it.

Often it’s the anxiously attached women (or women from toxic families) who don’t notice such emotional abandonment.

And if they did notice it, they devalued their pain over this abandonment so that they could hold on to the remnants of a “relationship” that they had.

Remember: anxious women and men cling, even to low value partners, because that’s how their nervous system is wired to operate.

But back to my main point: youth matters to men, but not in the way you think. Here’s what I believe:

Given a choice between two women who are equal in every way, but one is 23 and the other is 33, the majority of men would choose the 23 year old if they could.

But since when did two women come equal in every way other than their age? Basically never.

More often than not, women lose their value in the eyes of men as they get older simply because the number of children they can produce is heavily reduced.

A 23 year old can have many more children than a 33 year old (in the eyes of a man). Therefore, investing in the younger woman makes more sense for a man.

But here’s the distinction:

In general, youth matters a lot more to a man who is looking to have children or hasn’t already had them.

A man who has already had children wouldn’t place the same value on a younger woman that a man who hasn’t had children would.

…Unless he’s obsessed with a woman’s youth for the sake of his image, and isn’t really interested in putting emotional connection and emotional attraction first.

#6: A man’s relationship with his own mortality says everything

…about his character.

A man who can’t confront his own mortality with a sense of openness is a bad sign. It makes sense to fear dying when you’re younger, but when you hit your 30s, 40s and beyond, a man should have already confronted his own mortality.

And even better: he would make this confrontation a regular thing in his life.

Why?

Because masculine energy thrives on challenge. (No, that doesn’t mean you need to be his challenge). It just means that masculine energy grows through challenge.

As such, the men with the deepest masculine energy have usually embraced the possibility of death in some way.

It shouldn’t scare a man by the time he hits his 30s.

I understand these are my own arbitrary thoughts, but it comes from experience. I’ve known men in their 80s who are terrified to die because they didn’t actually live.

And what is not living a sign of?

It’s a sign of insecure attachment styles as well as being too weak to make decisions that are authentic to you (and your own masculine direction).

Usually men and women chronically fear death because of the following reasons:

1. We haven’t let go of things that we need to let go of in order to truly live. For example, toxic people who always take from us, or ideas that keep us trapped in mediocrity, fear and defensiveness.
2. We are anxiously attached or have avoidant attachment style. It’s very difficult for these types of people to deal with their own mortality. I can discuss why in a future blog post or email newsletter (comment below if you would like that).

So ask yourself: has he confronted his own mortality? Has he dealt with it?

And more importantly, have you dealt with your own mortality? Because you’ll need to match his courage at some point.

SPECIAL REPORT: How to Become the World’s Most Attractive & Feminine Goddess (Even if you have no self esteem or no man has ever paid you any attention…) CLICK HERE to download it at no cost.

 

#7: A man who “copes” will make you feel like you have an inferior catch

Coping mechanisms are just that: a way to cope with stress.

The thing is, stress will always show up in life. It’s inevitable. We all have to move through adversity at some point.

However, there are men who can’t deal with adversity without alcohol or other substances. I mean, it’s not all bad – at least they’re coping. Right?

Sure.

But in terms of bringing value to you – one day you’ll start to feel like you have an inferior catch. And this isn’t just about comparing your husband who is a panel beater to Bernice’s husband who is a CEO – it’s about men being high manintenance.

The more he has to employ coping mechanisms, the more you’ll have to coach him or try to help him. And there’s nothing wrong with that – in fact you could argue that this makes you a “good person”.

But all good people have a limit. Remember: he has coping mechanisms because of one or all of the following reasons:

• He has unprocessed trauma.
• He has anxious or avoidant attachment.
• He has rules around how he must act or what he can feel as a man.

A man who has issues to deal with must know it’s ok to process these feelings. It’s not that it’s wrong to have trauma or insecure attachment patterns.

It’s that sometimes men don’t believe it’s ok to work through them. And let’s be honest here – it takes A LOT to work through insecure attachment.

We’re talking a backlog of mourning unlike anything you’ve ever seen before. And that’s ok. But if he keeps pushing down that mourning with coping mechanisms, it will not end well for either of you.

Final Words

Remember that a lot of your happiness in life comes down to the quality of the man you choose. And the same can be said of his choice in a woman.

So make sure you’re valuing the right things. Are you prioritising good looks, height and money over integrity?

Are you prioritising a man who gives you excitement through hot and cold behavior over real emotional commitment (perhaps because you have anxious attachment?)

Valuing the shiny things always comes with a massive price tag that you don’t notice until your buried in trauma or grief.

So let me hold your hand on this journey of finding the right man. Let me show you exactly how to sort through the time wasters and the low value men. Let me invite you to take my most popular course “Understanding Men”.

(The promise of this course is for you discover the secrets of the masculine perspective so that you can get through to any man, connect with him heart to heart, and inspire his deepest loyalty and commitment.)

CLICK HERE to discover more about “Understanding Men”.

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