In my seventeenth book, 12 Rules For Good Men, I detailed twelve specific things I felt were important for men in order to become their healthiest, most mature, selves:

• Join a Men’s Group.
• Break free from the Man Box.
• Accept the Gift of Maleness.
• Embrace Your Billion Year History of Maleness.
• Recognize Your Anger and Fear Toward Women.
• Learn the Secrets of Real Lasting Love.
• Undergo Meaningful Rites of Passage from Youth to Adulthood and from Adulthood to Elderhood or Super-adulthood.
• Celebrate Your True Warrior Spirit and Learn Why Males Duel and Females Duet.
• Understand and Heal Your Adverse Childhood Experiences and Male Attachment Disorders.
• Heal Your Father Wound and Become the Father You Were Meant to Be.
• Treat the Irritable Male Syndrome and Male-Type Depression.
• Find Your Mission in Life and Do Your Part to Save Humanity.

After working in the field of Gender-Specific Healing and Men’s Health for more than fifty years, these twelve “rules” were my response to the many questions I was hearing from thousands of men who were asking,

• What are the most important things I need to do to save my marriage?
• What work is most meaningful and how can I make a living doing what I feel called to do?
• What does it really mean heal my own wounds and be a good man in today’s world?
• How do I help my children, grandchildren and future generations to survive and thrive in a world turned upside down?

Meet Andrew Cohn: A Man a Mission With an Invitation for You

Today I would like to introduce you to a kindred spirit, Andrew Cohn. Andrew is a trusted leadership counselor, coach, facilitator, consultant, and speaker. He began his career as an attorney in Los Angeles before changing his focus to leadership and organization development in 1997. I recently had the pleasure of interviewing Andrew, discussing his background, and his current work with men. You can watch the full interview here.

Andrew is offering a unique opportunity for men April 25-27, 2025 that I highly recommend.

“In this powerful and nurturing retreat for men in beautiful Santa Fe, we will take a deep dive into the challenges and delights of being a man in 2025 and beyond,” says Andrew, “what we fear and what makes us uncomfortable, and how to be more purposeful and authentic. We’ll build a community of men committed to making the world a better place by identifying and demonstrating the sacred masculine. We will feel, think, and grow together, drawing upon the beauty of Northern New Mexico, including learning with/from our equine partners.”

If you read my recent article, “Why Humanity’s Future May Depend on Our Connection to Our 56-Million-Year-Old Elders,” you know about the work of Kelly Wendorf and her work at Equus. Kelly and Andrew are partners and the men’s retreat will take place at the Buffalo Spirit Ranch, EQUUS’s exquisite 11-acre Experiential Discovery and Learning Campus.

Andrew says,

“If you or a man you know may be interested in attending, please contact me ASAP to discuss. The group will be limited to 15 men and is expected to fill up quickly. For more information, email me: [email protected].”

These are challenging times for everyone and men are no exception. In a recent article, “In Search of Mature Masculinity in a World of Wounded BoyMen,” I described three current views of masculinity and manhood that we see represented in our government, boardrooms, and bedrooms.

1. The Highchair Tyrant

As described by Jungian psychoanalyst and psychologist Robert Moore and mythologist and counselor Douglas Gillette, in their book, King, Warrior, Magician, Lover: Rediscovering the Archetypes of the Mature Masculine,

“The Highchair Tyrant is an archetype of ‘Boy Psychology.’ He is epitomized by the image of Little Lord Fauntleroy sitting in his highchair, banging on the tray, and screaming for his mother to feed him, kiss him, and attend to him.”

They go on to say,

“The Highchair Tyrant needs to learn that he is not the center of the universe and that the universe does not exist to fulfill his every need, or better put, his limitless needs, his pretentions to godhood.”

Do you recognize this character in anyone you know or any males you hear about?

2. The Weakling Prince.

The second archetype of boy psychology described by Moore and Gillette is The Weakling Prince.

“The boy (and later the man) who is possessed by the Weakling Prince, needs to be coddled, who dictates to those around him by his silent or his whining and complaining helplessness,” say Moore and Gillette.

As adults, those possessed by the Weakling Prince archetype often become “Mr. Nice Guys.” Dr. Robert Glover, author of the book No More Mr. Nice Guy says,

“A Nice Guy is a man who believes he is not okay, just as he is. Due to both societal and familial conditioning, the Nice Guy is convinced he must become what he thinks others want him to be in order to be liked, loved, and get his needs met. He also believes that he must hide anything about himself that might trigger a negative response in others.”

Glover goes on to say,

“This inauthentic and chameleon-like approach to life causes Nice Guys to feel frustrated, confused, and resentful. Subsequently, these men are often anything but nice. In fact, Nice Guys are generally, dishonest, secretive, manipulative, controlling, self-centered, and passive-aggressive.”

Do you recognize this character in anyone you know or any males you hear about?

Neither of these kinds of boys masquerading as men are likely to be helpful in our personal, professional or community lives. We need men who are strong and caring, who have been well mentored and undergone healthy Rites of Passage.

The historian, Ruth Ben-Giat, describes political leaders driven by boy psychology in her book, Strongmen: Mussolini to the Present.

“For ours is the age of authoritarian rulers: self-proclaimed saviors of the nation who evade accountability while robing their people of truth, treasure, and the protections of democracy. They use masculinity as a symbol of strength and a political weapon. Taking what you want, and getting away with it, becomes proof of male authority. They use propaganda, corruption, and violence to stay in power.”

3. The Mature Whole Man.

I turned 81 years old in December 2024. I described my own journey in search of mature masculinity in the seventeen books I have written including one called The Whole Man Program: Reinvigorating Your Body, Mind, and Spirit After 40.

I began the book with a quote from the philosopher Paul Tillich who I met when I was in college at U.C. Santa Barbara between 1964. He said,

“Every serious thinker must ask and answer these three fundamental questions:

• What is wrong with us? With men? Women? Society? What is the nature of our alienation? Our dis-ease?
• What would we be like if we were whole? Healed? Actualized? If our potentiality was fulfilled?
• How do we move from our condition of brokenness to wholeness? What are the means of healing?”

In the book, I described the program that I found helpful in my own life and that I recommend to my family, friends, and clients. I believe what the world needs now, more than ever, is Mature Whole Men and Mature Whole Women.

Moore and Gillette describe four archetypes of mature masculinity—The King, The Warrior, The Magician, and The Lover. The mature man embodies all four of these primal energies.

“The King energy is primal in all men,” say Moore and Gillette. “Two functions of King energy make the transition from Boy psychology to Man psychology possible. The first of these is ordering; the second is providing fertility and blessing.”

They go on to say, “The King is the central archetype. The good King is at the Center of the World. He sits on his throne on the central mountain, or on the Primeval Hill, as the ancient Egyptians called it.”

(Remember—Don’t confuse the archetype of the King with the worldly kings who have often been High Chair tyrants, rather than mature male leaders. Also, remember that there are female counterparts to these archetype.)

Moore and Gillette offer the example of the Sioux medicine man Black Elk who John Neihardt describes in his book, Black Elk Speaks. Black Elk speaks of the world as a great “hoop” divided by two paths, a “red path” and a “black path,” which intersect. Where they intersect is the central mountain of the world. It is on that mountain that the great Father God—the King energy—speaks and gives Black Elk a series of revelations for his people.

The mature male leader tunes in and receive the guidance from the “great Father God” and gives his people rules and laws to follow for the good of the people and the communities of life that all humans depend upon.

“The King energy brings abundance and blessings to his people,” say Moore and Gillette. “In conjunction with his ordering function, the second vital good that the King energy manifests is fertility and blessing.”

The mature male leader sees the good in all creation and supports the creation of new life both for humans, as well as the animal and plant kingdoms and recognizes that all life is connected.

The mature male leader accomplishes this by being an exemplar in his own life of what he gives to others. Like all humans, he makes mistakes, but he can acknowledge them when they occur and does not blame others.  He is not a God separate from his people, but a human being drawing on the gifts of the Gods and the archetypal legacies from millions of years of human history.

Do you recognize this character of the Mature Whole Man in anyone you know or any males you hear about?

Our organization, The Moonshot For Mankind and Humanity, brings together organizations that are dedicated to teaching, training, and guiding boys and men to achieve the qualities of mature masculinity.

If you would like to get more information about Andrew Cohn and his work you can reach him here: https://www.lighthouseteams.com/

If you would like to learn more about my own work, please visit me at MenAlive.com.