Men with avoidant attachment style are more likely to cheat for reasons relating to how avoidant attachment style develops in infancy and toddlerhood.

I’m going to share with you the truth about why avoidant men cheat.

Pay attention because if you don’t, you’ll waste precious time on an avoidant man who was destined to betray you.

CLICK HERE to LEARN the One Specific Emotional Trigger Within Every Masculine Man That Inspires Him to Want to Take Care of You, Worship You and Deeply Commit to You.

What Avoidant Men Are Quietly Capable Of (they’ll never tell You)…

I once knew a married man named Bernard in his 40s who was a famous lawyer and very successful in his career. from the outside, he was an admirable character whom a lot of people looked up to. 

As a baby he had a troubled mother and father who were dismissive of his needs and used to leave him crying in the playpen for hours. This left him with a deep void he learned to ignore.

As a 20-something, he dated a woman whom he assumed he’d marry one day. But this woman ended up leaving him for someone older and more established than him. He was bitter about this early experience, and never fully grieved it.

In his 30s he chose a safe woman to marry who would become the secure base for him so that he could reach soaring heights in his career. 

By the time Bernard reached his 40s, he had a small army of acquaintances who admired him and wanted to learn from him, but nobody who was close to him or really knew him. 

He kept everyone at a distance, ensuring that they would always just admire him on the surface, and never really expose him.

Bernard went on many business trips alone and used to sit at airports for hours, feeling strangely detached, forgetting he had a wife and child at home. 

He’d feel empty without the constant barrage of admiration and adoration from other people. Some may call it a desperate need for supply. 

One day, he met a much younger woman who was beautiful, innocent and ready to place him on a pedestal.

He couldn’t resist the opportunity for distraction from the loneliness he felt inside, and started a long affair with this beautiful young woman.

Eventually, his mistress grew tired of being the side piece who only fulfilled one role: to offer him a constant stream of admiration, so she broke off the affair.

Bernard didn’t handle that well, and proceeded to stalk her and extort her, threatening to destroy her reputation and her son’s reputation. 

Not being able to stop himself in the midst of this narcissistic rage, he took it so far that police arrested him, he had to serve a jail sentence, and his career and family life were left in shambles.

Related reading: Can An Avoidant Ever Really Love You?

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The Secret Reason Why Avoidant Men Cheat

Here’s why Bernard’s story is both a warning and a testament to the reason why avoidant men cheat.

It’s because how avoidant attachment style forms is that in infancy, the avoidant baby cried for closeness to his or her caregivers.

MORE: 4 Types of Attachment Styles In Relationships: Which One’s Yours?

This cry was his natural and human way of activating his attachment system.

He activated it repeatedly and was ignored indefinitely, and his emotional needs were dismissed as ‘manipulation’, he began to bypass his attachment system altogether, as avoidants do.

instead of crying for closeness and nurturing, he became despondent. He’d sometimes still explore, but he’d carry a haunting feeling of loneliness that he wasn’t cognitively aware of. 

After a while, the avoidant stops noticing their needs. So they seek surface interactions instead of activating their attachment system and seeking intimacy. 

Short-Term Gratification: The Perfect Distraction

Novelty and short-term gratification becomes a stand in for real intimacy. It’s like eating desserts instead of dinner every day for decades, not realising your body is never getting any real nutritional value. 

Cheating is the compulsion of the avoidant, because they’re incapable of realising that what they really need is true intimacy.

Instead, they seek distraction through the novelty of affairs.

In fact it’s not just that, it’s the fact that they don’t even realise there’s any value in intimacy. There’s only value in distractions from their past that haunts them. 

If you’d like to discover your core attachment style and get a score for how secure you are, take my free attachment quiz. It only takes 3 minutes!

CLICK HERE to take the free, women-specific attachment styles QUIZ.

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Renee is the founder of The Feminine Woman & co-founder of Shen Wade Media where we teach women how to show up as a high value high status woman whom easily inspires a deep sense of emotional commitment from her chosen man. She graduated with a bachelor of Law and bachelor of Arts majoring in sociology and psychology. She has been a dating and relationship coach for women in the past 15 years and together with her husband D. Shen at Commitment Triggers blog, they have positively influenced the lives of over 20 million women through their articles and videos as well as 10’s of thousands through paid programs through the Shen Wade Media platform.

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