The best time to say I love you is when enough attraction and connection has been built up in the relationship that you both know the feeling of love is mutual (so that there is no risk assumed by the first person saying it.) 

However, love can be uncertain and chaotic even at the best of times, so it doesn’t always happen the way we wish or at the optimal time.

Add to that the fact that many of us are anxious, impatient and impulsive and you could have a recipe for disaster.

So it’s a good thing to slow things down in your own mind and body, take a deep breath, and ask yourself:

“If I were to say I love you right now, would I be saying it because I want something in return from him?”

“Or would I be saying it because I truly feel romantic love for him and I know he does too?”

Because here’s the thing you need to remember:

A lot of the times when we express “I love you” to a guy, we’re actually signalling attachment to him.

And look:

He might not be as attached as you are yet. If you are in this situation, then you need to give him time to catch up. 

Attachment is a form of value extraction to men (that they actually enjoy if it’s from the right woman), but if he’s not feeling it for you yet, it’s always going to be a form of value extraction.

Learn the 5 feminine secrets to showing up as any man’s “one and only” right woman (never the one of MANY), by clicking HERE.

Unless there’s enough attraction and connection built up, then you saying “I love you” is going to come off as value extracting rather than value adding. 

I’m saying, don’t say “I love you” just to express a need.

Saying I love you ideally needs to come from a place where you both feel mutual romantic love.

Otherwise it’s just a confession, and you will always have to foot the consequences of that confession, good or bad.

CLICK HERE to LEARN the One Specific Emotional Trigger Within Every Masculine Man That Inspires Him to Want to Take Care of You, Worship You and Deeply Commit to You.

Coming up next, I’m going to discuss how long you should wait until you say I love you to a guy.

How Long Should You Wait Until You Say I Love You?

Some people say that three months in is the sweet spot where it’s a good time to say I love you.

But there’s no specific number of days that should have passed before you say I love you to someone.

The best way to think about “when to say I love you” is to think about the words “I love you” not as a big reveal or a confession, but as a natural feeling that comes mutually to both partners when enough attraction and connection has built up. 

That way it won’t come as a surprise to him, and it won’t feel like you’re taking a big risk.

When you’ve allowed attraction and connection to build gradually, the words “I love you” will feel natural and the timing will be as close to perfect as you can get.

Now of course, romantic love and a man’s commitment is a gradual process. There are 5 specific stages to the commitment process, and if you’d like to master these 5 stages, then CLICK HERE to discover where real value lies through the 5 stages of commitment.

(You’ll want to get in quick with this masterclass, as right now it’s pay what you want. This means you can pay whatever you want to take the class, but this won’t last forever, so CLICK Here to take the class.) 

Do the quiz: how commitment friendly is my man?

There is NO Rush to Say “I Love You”

It is normal to ponder “when should I say I love you?” 

Because nobody wants to say it too soon or too late: say these words too soon and you look uncalibrated.

Say them too late out of fear that you shouldn’t say it and you risk looking desperate (because it comes out as a huge dump of a confession). 

But let me assure you:

When you truly love someone, your love will show through your eyes, your gestures and other actions.

Related reading: Is It Wise To Pick A Man Who Loves You More Than You Love Him?

Saying the words is never anything compared to what shows through the way you bond with someone and the actions you take.

Real Romantic Love is Gradual.

You don’t want to replace or override the process of building a romantic bond with the use of the words “I love you”.

I say this because a lot of women do. They want an official relationship so badly, that they assume that saying those words will be the answer.

You don’t need to do that.

There is always plenty of time to say three simple words, and usually never enough time to experience the euphoria and infinity of romantic love.

MORE: Do NOT Chase Him: Initiate In High Value Ways Instead.

In other words, what is even better than the moment where you confess your love is living through the gradual process of attraction and connection to build up.

Because most of us don’t experience romantic love many times in our lives.

This is due to the fact that it’s real, it’s highly valuable, and it’s much harder to attain mutual romantic love than it is to experience mutual lust or even attachment.

MORE: Why Do I Get Attached So Easily? 6 EXACT Reasons & How To Stop.

Next up, we’re going to figure out how to know when it’s the right time to tell a guy you love him.

There are 7 common signs a woman is perceived as low value to all men, because men simply perceive value differently to women. Do you know what these signs are and how to avoid them like the plague? CLICK HERE to download this special report.

You’ll Know It’s The Right Time When…

You will know it’s the right time to say I love you, not when he’s said it first (therefore he has shouldered all the risk, therefore you no longer need to be the one taking the risk)….

But when you know it’s a real pair bond that has evolved out of high levels of emotional attraction and emotional connection having built up. 

At that moment, no one will be saying it too soon or too late, because you know how precious the connection is that you both share. 

Don’t Say “I Love You” If You’re Just Infatuated

Don’t say the three words if it’s just infatuation on your side.

This is not a rule I’m giving you, because you know I don’t believe in rules in dating.

However, what I am doing is helping you differentiate between real love and, well, feelings that aren’t love at all, but might feel like some kind of love to you.

Infatuation is defined as: “an intense but short-lived passion or admiration for someone or something.”

Infatuation is a fleeting feeling based on looking up to someone. 

Which is easy to do by the way, since masculine men usually have many skills and traits that we as women don’t share within ourselves.

(This is not to say that feminine woman are incapable, we are not. Masculine men also look up to feminine women for all the things they can do or the traits they are fascinated by.)

So infatuation is a passing idealization of someone. It’s entirely for yourself.

Recommended: If He Loves You More Than You Love Him, Is It Worth A Chance?

Romantic love is something different.

It’s not just for yourself. It’s a mutual feeling that develops into an extremely powerful thing called a pair bond.

This pair bond is developed so that you and your lover can successfully raise children who also grow to be esteemed, secure and emotionally resourceful human beings.

Infatuation cannot, will not, will never – allow you to build this kind of bond with a man.

Again, it’s just for you.

Thus my advice is: do not say the words “I love you” if you are infatuated.

Simply enjoy the infatuation for what it is, and appreciate the guy for being the kind of person you idealize.

But also let him go to a woman who truly loves him. 

Of course, infatuation can develop into romantic love! 

But even so, you shouldn’t be saying I love you unless there is an established high level of emotional attraction and emotional connection, leading to that pair bond. 

Recommended: The 9 Dangers of “Leaning Back” & Why It’s NOT Feminine.

How To Identify Whether you’re Developing A Pair Bond?

When you both exist within your own “bubble”, you can call it a love bubble even – and this bubble keeps other people out. It’s like you both exist in another world and hardly anyone else matters.

You’re both high on the dopamine, norepinephrine and vasopressin that is produced in every romantic union that’s based on mutuality. 

Next I’m going to give you 6 signs it’s the right moment to say I love you, and then I’m going to give you 6 signs it’s definitely not the right time to say I love you.

SECRETS REVEALED… Discover how you too can use this little known “Dark Feminine Art” to weed out the toxic men whilst cultivating real emotional attraction with high value high esteemed men. (CLICK HERE to enrol in this free class before it’s gone.)

6 Indisputable Signs It’s The Right Moment to Say I Love You

Let me be clear – the right moment differs for everybody. 

Thus I cannot tell you the right moment to say I love you, but what I’m aiming to give you here is some signs that a pair bond is developing, and you’re getting closer to the appropriate time (which you will have to decide for yourself).

For more on this, also see my article on the 5 Unusual Signs He’s Falling Madly In Love With You. 

Here are the signs it might be the right moment to say “I love you” to a guy:

1. He feels the emotions you feel. Meaning, he has deep empathy for the emotions you feel. 
2. You’ve had at least one moment where you say the same things at the same time, and even think the same thoughts.
3. He shows up in places you weren’t expecting, just to see you (and secretly, so do you.)
4. He can’t stop thinking about you (this is different to love bombing which is a massive red flag). 
5. You both love each other’s imperfections.
6. If he’s happy, you’re happy and if you’re happy, he’s happy. Your emotions are intricately connected.

6 Telltale Signs It’s NOT The Right Time to Say “I Love You”

Just as it’s important to know when is the right time to say I love you, it’s important to know the signs it’s the wrong time to say I love you.

If your timing and judgement is way off, you’re risking rejection, and therefore regret. 

Studies show that romantic relationships are one area of life where humans tend to feel regret deeply. 

So you want to be aware of that and try to figure out how strong your regret might actually be if your judgement was off and you said “I love you”, only to get rejected. 

Related: 11 Revealing Signs He Regrets Sleeping With You.

(So, hold off saying the three bigs words if you see any one of these signs):

1. You’re afraid to lose him to someone else.
   
2. You’ve avoided saying “I love you” for a long time and suddenly want to “confess” your love to him. This might completely kill off the attraction and connection he feels.
   
3. He’s told you he’s not into you.
   
4. He’s still seeing other people.
   
5. You’ve just had no strings attached sex. When you have sex with a man, your dopamine and oxytocin levels rise dramatically, and especially so if you reach orgasm.

   However research indicates that men don’t share this vulnerability to chemical bonding. In fact for the guy, his dopamine, vasopressin and testosterone levels will rise, but not so much oxytocin.

   Thus he is much less likely to be feeling the love that you feel on a chemical level, which is important to know.

   You don’t want to say “I love you” in these circumstances, especially not if alcohol led you both to the sexual encounter, as you will be even more vulnerable and less calibrated emotionally.
   

6. He has told you he loves you and you suspect it wasn’t genuine (or you don’t trust his words).

   If you have a strong gut feeling that he has told you he loves you for the wrong reasons, then do not go against your gut and tell him you love him (even if you do).

   Some men fake entire futures for sex. It’s called future faking. Don’t fall for it.

   Plenty of men will tell a woman they love her just to get sex from her. Yes, even some men who typically have strong, traditional values and morals.

   Studies have been done on men when they were in a state of arousal, and they found that men with otherwise decent judgement and good decision-making will tell a woman a lie, saying they love her just to get into her pants.

   But we didn’t need studies to tell us that. You should know that already. 

Do our feminine energy quiz: how feminine am i really?

How to Find The RIGHT Moment to Say “I Love You”

The right time to say the three magic words is when you know that the other person also loves you, so you know that the feeling is mutual.

This means that the guy may not have even voiced his feelings of “love” for you yet, and that’s ok.

As long as it’s clear through his actions, through the fact that he can’t take his eyes of his thoughts off of you, and through the fact that he has deep empathy for your feelings.

Some guys were raised in a way that makes them avoid saying the three words, and perhaps you’re the perfect person to lead by example, showing that voicing these words is perfectly safe. 

It’s not low value to say “I love you” when you know that you’ve got a mutual pair bond going on. 

It’s only when you try to short circuit the process of pair bonding by saying I love you that it is low value.

On that note, did you know that there are 7 Common Signs That A Woman is Perceived as Low Value to All Men. Do You Know What They Are & How to Avoid Them Like the Plague?

CLICK here to discover the 7 common signs that a woman is perceived as low value in the eyes of men in this special report. (Why is this important? Because men and women perceive value very differently and you don’t want to be making mistakes that would cause quality men to dismiss, abandon or alienate you.) 

I’m about to end this article, but before I leave you, I’m just going to answer a few common questions.

Frequently Asked Questions

How soon is too soon to say I love you to a man?

You will know it’s too soon to say I love you to a man when you have a strong feeling that your feelings are not reciprocated.

If you aren’t sure that he also feels the same then it’s too soon to tell a guy you love him.

When should a guy say they love you?

First things first: a guy should never be under any pressure to tell a woman he loves her. He’s human too, so he’s free to say it whenever he feels the time is right.

At the end of the day, the best time for a guy to say it is when he also knows you feel the same. 

It might feel nice to have a guy blurt out the words “I love you” to you, as it’s an ego boost.

But you should be careful what you wish for, because when you’re needy of such an ego boost or needy of a guy to chase you, you’re also more vulnerable to being tricked and used by him.

MORE: Why Men Don’t Put More “Effort” Into The Relationship?

What is the three month rule?

The three month rule in dating is when a couple carve out a period of 90 days to test out whether they are “compatible”.

It is thought that if couples take this amount of time to learn about each other, that their real characters will show through and red flags will reveal themselves.

If you know my work at all, you know that I am not a big fan of the idea of compatibility. It’s not important when you have the key ingredient: romantic love.  

Over To You!

Now the ball is in your court. When do you think is the right time to say I love you? 

Have you ever said it too early? Or too late? Please share below your story, I read every single comment on my blog, always.

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Renee is the founder of The Feminine Woman & co-founder of Shen Wade Media where we teach women how to show up as a high value high status woman whom easily inspires a deep sense of emotional commitment from her chosen man. She graduated with a bachelor of Law and bachelor of Arts majoring in sociology and psychology. She has been a dating and relationship coach for women in the past 15 years and together with her husband D. Shen at Commitment Triggers blog, they have positively influenced the lives of over 20 million women through their articles and videos as well as 10’s of thousands through paid programs through the Shen Wade Media platform.

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