What does it mean to be emotionally unavailable?

An emotionally unavailable person struggles with having deep emotional connections. They may feel that they are ready for love, but are subconsciously guarded against vulnerability and commitment. This often comes from past trauma, relationship wounds, fear of rejection, or not understanding how to express themselves openly.

What are the signs to look out for when someone is emotionally unavailable?

• They avoid deep conversations and getting too personal. There is discomfort shown when they are expected to express any emotion. This causes them to shut down about their fears, insecurities or true feelings in any form.
• There is a hot and cold atmosphere when you spend time with them. One day, they are affectionate and playful with you. The next time you see them, they feel distant and almost cold toward you.
• There is no consistency as your relationship progresses. You don’t feel a solid connection transpiring, and you are not sure where you stand with them. There is no talk of being exclusive as a couple.
• You often feel like you are the last priority around them. There is an independence about them that makes you feel excluded much of the time.
• There is very little affection or romance shown, and they have difficulty expressing feelings of love. They avoid telling you they love you, even after an extended amount of time that you have been together.
• They have a history of short-lived relationships. They all end the same way. There are no lessons learned on how to improve things going forward. It becomes a repetitive way of life by ignoring the ongoing problem. There is no ownership of their emotional disconnect, and they don’t take responsibility for their lack of emotional participation.

Considering all this information, why do many women choose a relationship with an emotionally removed man?

Many women ask themselves; Why would I choose a partner who is closed off and unavailable to express his feelings? Why am I initially so attracted to this type of man? What keeps me going back for more of the same?

Here are a few things to think about as to why you are stuck in this repetitive situation.

#1 – You like the challenge.

It’s not easy being in a partnership with someone emotionally unavailable. To some people, it becomes a challenge: “I can fix this.” “I will win their heart and make them fall in love with me.” It could also take on a forbidden fruit feel. You know it’s not good for you, but it still feels exciting! You are going to make it work!

Love is about mutual vulnerability, not self-sacrifice. There has to be reciprocated affection, love and communication for a relationship to blossom.

#2 – You don’t understand what love is.

If you have never been in love or had a deep romantic connection before, this will seem normal to you. You are not really sure what to look for in a partnership. He seems interested and stays somewhat connected, but you start to feel that something is missing.

#3 – You feel the need to earn your partner’s love

There can be a lingering numbness after experiencing heartbreak in the past. You don’t feel worthy or deserving of love and end up choosing men who aren’t openly available. You may not be aware that you are sabotaging love from happening due to these insecurities.

#4 – It becomes familiar to you.

Many men and women have a type, and this emotionally unavailable man has become your type. This is what you know. When something is familiar, it can feel safe. There can be many highs and lows in this particular type of relationship, which can end up becoming addictive. It becomes a challenge looking for the highs. Even emotionally unavailable people have moments of vulnerable transparency.

#5 – You are also emotionally unavailable.

There is a big possibility that you are not even aware of this about yourself. You have both built up a protective wall over the years. There is no pressure to open up to them, and you can stay in your personal cocoon. That is, until you both eventually become frustrated that the partnership is stuck.

The big problem with being in this scenario, it becomes very surface-level. There’s no depth to your connection with them. It will start to take on more of a platonic feel and eventually fizzle out.

The good news is that you can alter most repetitive patterns when you understand their origin.

This is the time to look inward and ask yourself some of the tough questions. Did something transpire in your past that caused you traumatic heartbreak? Did you grow up feeling unloved in your childhood? It is important to understand what has caused you to shut down or choose emotionally shut-down men.

Emotional unavailability often stems from wanting to protect yourself.

The big misconception is that if you don’t show love or deep feelings, you can’t get hurt. Or at least that’s what you think will happen. You must alter the pattern of chasing love and learn that stability in a relationship means healthy longevity.

Intimacy is much more passionate when you’re both emotionally connected. Initially, with a new partner, sex will seem very exciting. But shortly thereafter, the passion will start to decrease if you don’t have a deep emotional bond with them.

If you are finding that this is becoming an ongoing issue, take some time away. Avoid putting yourself in any dating or intimate situation. Sometimes you have to step outside the box to see what’s truly going on.

When you consistently end up in loveless relationships, you are settling!

You deserve more than that, and it is worth doing the work to find a solution. When you don’t feel close to someone, it can cause you to push for more. This will shut down someone emotionally unavailable even more. You must have personal boundaries. It’s not your responsibility to fix them or break down their walls.

Be honest about what intimacy means to you, and clearly communicate this to them. If they are not open to having a loving connection with you, you need to understand this early on. Don’t make the mistake of thinking you can change the situation. It’s not up to you, and you will only end up disappointed.

Walk away from someone who isn’t ready to commit when you are. It won’t be a hurtful situation if you take charge of this when you initially meet them. Avoid repeating unhealthy attachment style relationships. The more you repeat a negative relationship pattern, it will cause you to withdraw emotionally because you don’t trust yourself.

Healing from a breakup is about being honest with yourself. Are you choosing this pattern because you’re afraid to acknowledge your own emotions?

You attract what you believe you deserve.

When you understand your worth, you will no longer attract emotionally unavailable men. Be gentle and respect yourself. You don’t need to earn love when you’re capable of openly receiving it into your life. Real love happens when you stop running from yourself.

It is lonely being in a loveless relationship. Sometimes you choose a partner who mirrors your own fears of vulnerability. You are fearful of letting someone in completely. When you choose to be emotionally available to yourself, you create space for the right love in your life. Chasing unavailable men does not serve you. It repels true love from finding its way to you.

Please watch the video below for more information on today’s post.

Sybersue xo

Private Dating Relationship Coaching With Sybersue – Please contact me at [email protected] and message me there to set up a video or audio appointment within 24 hours. Thank you!

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