Welcome to Dear Sybersue. Today’s topic is: Keeping Someone on Standby While Also Dating Other People.

This situation happens a lot today. Dating apps make it easy to talk to many different people at the same time. The trouble is, you might be the last to know this is going on behind your back.

Unfortunately, honesty often gets left out of the equation. You think you have a solid connection with the person you are dating. You have been seeing them a lot, and things moved quickly, and the romance was reciprocated. Then, suddenly, they started pulling back, and the dynamics between the two of you began to shift.

If you are NOT interested in being in a relationship, be honest. Admit that you are not ready to be exclusive. This is better than leaving the person you are dating wondering where they stand with you. It is not fair to leave someone stuck in emotional limbo and trying to read your mixed signals. They will continually be second-guessing every interaction they have with you and holding onto hope that may never be reciprocated.

Some of the changes you will notice when relationship dynamics shift:

• Their texting has slowed down, and the tone has changed. It’s not as romantic or playful.
• They don’t make plans to see you as often. When they do see you, it’s either a last-minute arrangement or a booty call.
• They start to make excuses that they are too busy to get together.
• You are not included in spending time with their friends or any family gatherings.
• You are the one who is always accommodating to meet their needs.
• The odd time when you do see them, they are distracted or on their phone a lot.
• You now see red flags popping up and feel like you are more of an afterthought.
• Anxiety is now replacing feelings of past excitement. There is uncertainty, and insecurities are becoming a daily occurrence.

What steps should you take going forward?

1. Listen to your instincts. Do not ignore that inner voice that keeps trying to get your attention. Your self-respect is important.
2. Have either of you brought up being exclusive with each other? If not, then you need to find out if this is something they want. Don’t leave this discussion for another year. You deserve to know where you stand with them.
3. Get some clarity from them. Ask them why they are pulling back from you. Find out if they are dating other people. Be diplomatic and watch that your tone isn’t accusatory. What does their body language tell you? Are they defensive or avoiding answering your questions? Are they being honest or lying to you?
4. Are you on the same dating and relationship page? Have they told you they eventually want a committed partnership?
5. Hear what they are telling you! Be honest with yourself and don’t read things how you want them to read. If they are dating other people, you have 2 options. You can either date others as well or walk away from them.

It is important to set boundaries when dating and before you get into any potential partnership.

You should know fairly quickly on a date what the other person is looking for. If you are meeting them online, read their profile thoroughly. Most people will state what status they’re looking for. There is nothing wrong with asking them if they are interested in having a committed relationship. It is not being overly aggressive to do so. You have the right to know what you’re getting into early on.

When you are on the right path, you communicate well together, so there aren’t usually many questions. This openness is a good sign and an expectation that you should both have. Unfortunately, some people wait until far too late to ask the important questions. This causes them to end up in multiple short-term scenarios.

If this is becoming a one-sided relationship, don’t invest any more time waiting around for them.

Tell them you’re looking for more and move on. Too many people hang in there, hoping someone will change their mind and want a partnership. This doesn’t usually end well. If you’re both not looking for the same thing, it is important to hear that.

If they are sincerely interested in having a committed partnership with you, they will want to make you feel secure. There won’t be any confusion. If you have to keep guessing about where you stand with them, you will then have your answer.

You deserve to have the relationship you want.

Don’t wait around for someone who isn’t in alignment with your relationship goals. Healthy partnerships aren’t built on guessing games or self-sacrifice. Having boundaries isn’t about being rigid or guarded; it’s about knowing yourself and understanding what you deserve.

Be clear on what you need. Know what you will not accept. By doing this, you create space for a mutual and respectful connection that is beautifully aligned.

Please watch the video below for more information on today’s topic.

 Sybersue xo

Private Dating Relationship Coaching With Sybersue – Please contact me at [email protected] and message me there to set up a video or audio appointment within 24 hours. Thank you!

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