As a matter of fact, the last few dates have been uneventful and downright aggravating! Bad dates can include a variety of circumstances. These involve a lack of chemistry, blatant rudeness, boredom, narcissistic behaviour, or something embarrassing that happened. We ALL have our stories!

Your intuition should always be your primary guide in dating. If it doesn’t feel right and your gut is uneasy, steer clear! Even a text can reveal red flags!

 10 things to pay attention to on a first date:

1. Are they attentive to you, and are you mutually interested in each other?
2. Did they make an effort with their appearance and complement yours?
3. Is the conversation shared equally, or does it feel like an interview? 
4. Are they respectful and polite throughout the date? What did their body language say?
5. Do they make you feel comfortable? Are they playful or too intense?
6. Did they follow through on the original date plans, and were they on time? Did they cancel or reschedule the date?
7. Do they bring up sex right away in early conversations?
8. Did they take you to your car or your front door after the date ended?
9. How much do you have in common? Does the conversation flow freely, or is it awkward or forced?  
10. Are they authentic and interesting? Are you interested in them and really want to see them again? Make sure there is a connection before agreeing to seeing them again. Don’t ignore anything that seems insincere.

What do you do if you are uncomfortable and want to leave when you’re out on a date?

Many people are too nice or too shy to say anything controversial when things aren’t going well. It is always a good idea to tell them you have a 2-hour time limit on the first date. This way, they are aware that you have to be somewhere else, and it won’t be awkward for you to leave.

If you are feeling uncomfortable, listen to your instincts! Safety always comes first. Thank them for the date and leave the venue. You are not going to have a connection with everyone. The biggest lesson when it comes to dating is to know when you are not compatible with someone. Don’t prolong things if you are NOT feeling it with them. That is why we date, to see if there is a good fit. You want to be in alignment with how you interact.

Safety rules to implement.

1. Do not go to their house or have them come to your house on the first few dates. See them in a public environment.
2. Avoid letting them pick you up. Wait until you have established a trust and rapport with them. Always be in control of your entrance and departure in the early stages of meeting someone for safety purposes.
3. Don’t be too trusting and believe everything they say right away! Hear what they are actually saying and not what you want to hear.
4. No matter how many texts or phone calls you have had with them, you still don’t know them yet. (There are some pretty good manipulative writers out there.) If they are texting you for months before you meet them, they are not interested in a committed partnership. Move on.
5. Don’t get lured into their smooth-talking ways until you have met them face to face. Eye contact will tell you a lot about a person!
6. Pay attention to their body language. Are they showing respect and interest in what you are saying? Are they cocky?
7. Do they mention sex too quickly? Are they touchy with you right away? Do they expect you to sleep with them right away?
8. Are your instincts telling you to walk away? Always listen to your gut! Train yourself to spot the red flags right away.

Photo by cottonbro studio

Should you be honest if your date is rude?

Most people do not know how to express themselves when dealing with something like this. If the date didn’t go well, tactfully tell them what bothered you. If their reaction is defensive or dismissive, say goodnight and leave the date venue. Chalk it up as an experience you don’t want to continue. If you are too nervous to tell them on the date, you have the option to say no if they ask you out again.

Your honesty could make a difference in their life. Maybe they will learn a valuable lesson from their rude behaviour. Some people really don’t know how they come across to others. Sometimes we are put on certain pathways to teach others how to be better.

Life lessons are not just about what we need to learn about ourselves. They are also about what we can teach someone else.  

I was introduced to a guy through a friend, who spent our entire first date on the phone. An hour passed, and I got up from my seat. I went over to the server, paid my share of the bill, and left without a word. I am not sure if he even noticed.

He had no respect for me or my time and didn’t even hold up a finger to silently apologize. It was obviously something he did regularly and thought nothing of it. I was offended but got over it quickly. Don’t waste too much time analyzing bad behaviour or take it too personally. It’s their stuff to deal with, and some people are just rude, plain and simple.

One way to prevent awkward dates is by learning a bit about each other ahead of time.

1. Don’t take their online dating profile as the gospel truth.  People lie all the time!
2. Be aware of your friend or family’s advice about that perfect person they have for you to meet. Talk to them on the phone first before getting together, and ask the questions that are important to you. Requesting that they text a photo is not unreasonable or shallow. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and everyone has different tastes.
3. Use the technology available at your fingertips; Google them!! Most people are on some form of social media like Facebook, Instagram or X. If it’s out there in cyberspace, it’s free for the public to see. Protecting yourself is always your number 1 priority!
4. Carrie Bradshaw from “Sex and the City,” says that first dates are like job interviews with cocktails. How true is that statement? When applying for a job, you are paying attention to what they are saying and what they are offering you. Unfortunately, many men and women do not really hear what is being said on the first few dates. Save yourself a lot of time and energy by seeing any red flags earlier, rather than later.
5. Be mindful of alcohol. Cocktails will loosen you up on a date, but it changes what we perceive about a person. It also affects how we may be perceived by them. Let’s face it; we’re just a little bolder with liquid courage in our bloodstream. I know it’s easier to face someone new after a few beers or a glass of wine. If you want the genuine version of who they are, choose coffee. It is a much better choice on that first date.

Photo by Katerina Holmes

Narcissism can be quite common and is super annoying! This is when someone talks about themselves for the entire first date. They brag about their accomplishments, who they know, and how much money they have. They mention what type of car they drive and often discuss sex openly.They may as well just have a conversation with themselves in the mirror.

Nervousness is one thing, but arrogance is another. Caring about another person is the first rule of dating. If it is all about them in the beginning, it probably always will be.

When planning a first date:

• Coffee dates are always a good choice for a first date. There is very little pressure and limited expense. Fancy establishments can be intimidating to some people. It is important to see if you even like each other first.
• Always have a substitute date choice. Your original plan may get altered due to the weather or something that your date is uncomfortable with.
• Be organized, follow through, and always respect their time. Do not bail last minute on a date because something better comes up!
• We all have first date insecurities. The more information you have about the date particulars, the more at ease you will feel. There will be no surprises. You both will know what to wear (casual or dressy, heels or runners). You will know if you should eat beforehand, and you can also look up the directions to the meeting location. Ask them if they have any questions or if they are comfortable with the date and venue you chose.
• Confirm the date! This is appreciated and proper etiquette, especially if it was discussed a week or two before. It reassures them that you haven’t forgotten about it. They feel at ease knowing you are thinking about them and looking forward to seeing them.

Dating can be a rewarding experience when you stay mindful, observant and clear-headed in every situation. You will learn how to weed out the wrong types and eventually stop attracting them towards you. Keep an open mind, but avoid spending time with people you have no connection with. You shouldn’t have to talk yourself into being with someone!

It should be a natural fit that flows smoothly without too many questions or unnecessary compromises. Yes, dating is frustrating and hard on your self-esteem, but anything worth having is not always an easy accomplishment. Don’t give up on love. Treat each experience with patience and determination, as you would with any other goal in your life. Meeting a potential partner is always worth the wait and perseverance in the end.

 Sybersue xo

Private Dating Relationship Coaching With Sybersue – Please contact me at [email protected] and message me there to set up a video or audio appointment within 24 hours. Thank you!

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