A woman recently asked me this question when I was out for the evening. She is feeling left behind by her boyfriend in her relationship and wonders if taking some time apart could help to fix their problems. She thinks that by doing this, he will miss her and realize how much he loves her.

Time apart rarely fixes long-term issues.

When your partner begins to pull back from the relationship, it becomes very one-sided. In many ways, they are already on a break. They are somewhat checked out and not there for you the way they should be.

You must communicate regularly as a couple to repair any issues you are dealing with at the time. Letting things go without addressing them is the start of problems to come. Any concerns should always be vocalized before there is escalation. Leaving things to fester is a big mistake many couples make.

How are you going to resolve these problems, by temporarily removing yourself from the relationship? Taking a break opens another set of doors that can actually shut down your partnership. This is especially true if you start dating or sleeping with others during that break!

The priority is to find out why the dynamics have changed between you as a couple.

• What has been the biggest change in your partnership?
• How long has this been going on for?
• Are you holding on to “what was” and not being totally realistic about the fact that his feelings have shifted?
• Have you shared your concerns with him, and nothing has changed? Does he acknowledge your feelings?
• Are you afraid to address the elephant in the room and hope things will be resolved on their own?
• Does he still tell you he loves you? Is there still intimacy in your partnership?

Some people are afraid to ask these questions because they don’t really want to hear the answers.

If you can’t communicate your concerns to your boyfriend, there is an unhealthy disconnect between you. Sometimes, as a couple, you grow in different directions. This often happens due to poor communication or when someone is emotionally detached. Ask him to be truly honest about his feelings towards you and what he wants for his future.

Do you still love each other?

This is the time to be really transparent with each other. If the answer to this question is yes, your relationship is salvageable. Solving problematic issues comes from two people caring enough to fix what’s broken. Sit down and have an honest conversation. You have to both be on the same page with how to go about rekindling the love in your partnership.

Couples counselling is very beneficial when basic communication has diminished between you. This is the time to bring in a professional. They can start the process to help you find a solution that betters your current situation. There can be a lot of hurt feelings and trust issues, which are often difficult to come back from.

Taking a break will just delay the inevitable.

Don’t passively wait for someone who is pulling away from your partnership. Being proactive is crucial. Taking a break avoids the problems rather than resolving them. It can also cause even more emotional distancing between you. If you are not communicating in your relationship, taking time away from it won’t improve things.

Of course, there are always exceptions. Occasionally, short breaks with reciprocal rules and boundaries in place can help some couples. In cases like this, there needs to be planned days for open discussions and weekly counselling sessions. There should also be a strict no-dating policy between you.

In my coaching experience:

Taking a break may feel like an easy way to remove tension. However, it avoids the real work that a healthy relationship requires. Time apart can cause more insecurity, making it difficult to rebuild trust and a deeper connection later on. It can also send mixed signals if the communication between you is strained.

Couples who open up their break by including other romantic or intimate scenarios create new complications. These actions do not repair a relationship and cause more emotional distance between you. Taking a break is also used by one person to soften the breakup that the partnership is headed toward. Things start to fizzle out, and any hope of reuniting as a couple is over.

This is not pleasant to be on the receiving end of. If your feelings have changed toward your partner, it is much more respectful to be honest with them. Leaving someone on hold is a cowardly approach and heartbreaking to the person being benched on the sideline.

Listen closely to what each other says. Sometimes we shut down from hearing the truth. We stay in a loveless relationship because we think our partner will change over time. Don’t sell yourself short by waiting around for someone who is not there for you. It’s not all about their needs.

*Please watch the video below for more information on today’s topic.

Thank you, Sybersue

 Sybersue xo

Private Dating Relationship Coaching With Sybersue – Please contact me at [email protected] and message me there to set up a video or audio appointment within 24 hours. Thank you!

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