Today on Dear Sybersue I discuss people who are becoming too judgmental. This behaviour is especially prominent when dating!

Both men and women quickly express how challenging dating is today. Yet, they continue to make harsh judgment calls very early on when meeting someone new. Overcoming judgmental attitudes in dating is crucial for building healthy partnerships. Judgmental behaviours can stem from biases, past relationship experiences, low self-esteem or a sense of entitlement.

The first step to changing this is to own the fact that your attitude needs a makeover. This comprehension can help you learn how to create space in your life to have more open, compassionate connections. This can be an eye-opener when initially trying to change your judgmental perspective. You may also not be aware of how you come across to others.

We all have insecurities, so why are we so quick to pass judgment on others?

• Are we trying to sabotage our own happiness?
• Do we not actually believe we are worthy of a great partnership and love in our lives?
• Does our high-maintenance judgment come out of fear of rejection? “If I blow them off first, they won’t have a chance to reject me?”
• Have you ever walked away from a date feeling guilty about how you treated someone?

This type of thinking happens more often than you may realize. Unbeknownst to you, that little voice inside your head full of self-doubt, frequently rules your life choices. It is important to remember that we all have wonderful traits.

People should be given a chance before they’re condemned in the first hour of a date. I’m certainly not saying to ignore those early red flags, as this is imperative to pay close attention to. Just give people your gentle side and make them feel comfortable. Please leave the judgmental checklist at home.

Are our expectations out of control?

Have we become jaded and lazy when it comes to dating? Is this because people expect instant gratification? Why don’t we put the same respect and energy into our relationships that we do for our careers?  As I have said in many past articles; meeting a life partner is like a full-time job!  It takes work and perseverance.

But isn’t it worth the energy invested, to find love?

I have spoken with many men and women this past year who just don’t have the patience to date. They give themselves a 2-month window when they go online using dating apps. Then, when they don’t meet someone right away. They give up!

“There’s no one out there, I can’t be bothered wasting my time on this.”

Why do some people expect things to be so easy? If it’s too easy, too quickly, it usually fizzles just as fast anyway! How long does it take to go to University and get a degree? Many of us seem to have the patience for that! Love and careers are both important in everyone’s life, but we often forget that.  This makes our priorities out of whack! They both need your attention!

Who are we becoming?

Why do we feel entitled to turn our nose up at someone on Tinder we glanced at for 2 seconds? We then swipe left because “they are so not our type!” When did this become the norm as to how our dating experience should be? How is that working out for us? Giving people a chance is human decency and this proper etiquette should always be practiced. We all have something to offer, and we all deserve love in our lives.

If you are having a tough time meeting someone special, it is time to analyze why that is. You are the one in charge of your life decisions. Which means you have the authority to make changes that will enhance your life. How do you alter your attitude to do that?

Photo by cottonbro studio

Tips for a More Compassionate Dating Experience

1. Start saying positive things about people every day. Practice opening up more to men and women you come across on a daily basis.
2. The minute you hear pessimism in your voice; stop and alter the direction of your thinking. It won’t be easy at first because you must deprogram your mindset to a different frequency.
3. If you want people to give you a chance, it is important not to make harsh judgments about others. Remember this the next time you engage in a conversation with someone. They could be nervous or shy and need time to feel comfortable.
4. Notice how quickly things become optimistic in your life when you remove negativity. Good energy attracts like-minded energy! It is contagious being around happy people, which is a great thing!
5. Remove yourself from judgmental people. “Misery loves company!” The more you expose yourself to pessimistic situations, the higher the chances of attracting the wrong people. Stop allowing negative influences in your life. This will bring you more happiness.
6. Take time every day to be grateful for something in your world. Say it out loud as you get ready for work or go out for the evening. If you are gracious about your life, you’ll spend less time dwelling on what doesn’t make you happy. You will also focus less on what may be missing right now.
7. Hire a dating/relationship coach for a few sessions. They can help you with your self-esteem and understand what you are not seeing within yourself. Quite often, when we are too critical of others, it is because we are also critical of ourselves.

What do you think? Have you been in this judgmental place, and how did you handle it?  Please watch the video above and leave your comments below this post. I would love to hear what you have to say!

Thank you, Sybersue xo

Private Dating Relationship Coaching With Sybersue – Please don’t hesitate to get in touch with me @ [email protected] and message me there to set up a video or audio appointment within 24 hours. Thank you!

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