Dear Sybersue,

I am very successful and really motivated with my career. Unfortunately, I do not have much time to date right now. I am an attractive, outgoing 33-year-old woman. I worry about spending too much time outside the relationship market and fear that I will end up alone down the road. How do I make both my career and love life a healthy compromise? Men say they like independent women, but my experience has always been the opposite. It seems to scare them off!

My schedule is intense. However, I do have some helpful assistants. I know I should be delegating more of my demanding workload to them. This would allow me to take some much-needed time off each week. They have been offering to take over some of the time-consuming tasks that keep me too busy. Their goal is to push me out of the office more often. They want me to start dating and have a life.

I admit I am a workaholic, which is becoming a lonely habit and making me somewhat reclusive. I used to be a fun woman who never had any trouble getting a date. Sadly, that was 8 years ago. Since then, I have become career-driven and prioritize that above everything else! Everyone thinks it is such an easy solution. But, I am addicted to my job and I love what I do. I grew my business from the ground up, making it even harder to take time away from it.

What can I do to get out of this annoying scenario I have put myself in?

Thank you so much, Danielle

Dear Danielle,

Your question is one that many established career women ask themselves today. Being a successful businesswoman is not easy. Managing a household, raising a family, and being a loving wife just add to the challenge. There are definite compromises that you will need to make.

I agree that you should ask your assistants for regular help throughout your workday. It is important to conserve some energy for your personal life. If you want to meet a potential partner, you have to get out and be social. It is all too easy to just go home after a strenuous day and lie on the couch, recuperating. You don’t want to end up in a robotic state of mind with nothing left for romance.

One of the big reasons some couples have problems is when one partner repetitively becomes the last priority. Making time for love in your life gives you a healthy balance. It is just as important as stepping up the next ladder rung to a higher career level. There is a big price to pay for that sometimes. What’s that expression? “It can be very lonely at the top.”

You emailed me your question because you want to change things in your life. Acknowledging this is a good start. You are now understanding that as much as you value your job, you feel out of alignment. Love and romance are the missing pieces. Even your employees are encouraging you to get out and meet someone. That is wonderful that you have their support.

You are 33 years old and may be interested in having children one day. Pressuring yourself at a later date is not the best approach. Start now to put some of your energy into other priorities outside your job. Socializing often and meeting new people will bring you more dating opportunities. If you need a push, ask a friend to help you set up an online dating account. It doesn’t hurt to try it out for a few months to help get you back into the dating realm.

5 Simple Steps to Help You Start Dating Again:

1. Take a few hours each day to get outside the office, and your home to do something fun! Put yourself in a mingling environment that forces you to interact with others. Go to the gym. Visit a pub and sit at the bar. Attend a group event. Sign up for a fitness class or a weekly spin class. Put yourself anywhere that people talk to each other!
2. Don’t pressure yourself to date right away. When you do meet someone interesting, keep it friendly and light-hearted. Do not discuss work with anyone after you leave the office!
3. Rekindle your friendships that have been put on the back burner. Be open to meeting new friends as well. This will help you get out and socialize. It will allow you to meet more people. There is always a big chance that you will meet a great guy later on through these connections.
4. Familiarize yourself with dating sites, apps or the single hangouts in your city. It’s important to understand what to expect. You have been out of the market for the last 8 years. Things are much different in your 30’s than they were in your 20’s.
5. Say yes to invitations! Don’t find excuses or sabotage things because you are scared of someone taking you away from your career. You can have both, but you have to compromise to do so.

Here are a Few Things you Can do to Maintain a Healthy Balance in Your Life.

• Choose a partner that appreciates your ambitions. He should be happy that you have an interesting life which allows him to have one too. Most men do not want a clingy woman who lives solely for them. They do not like to feel smothered.
• He should be somewhat career-oriented as well, or he may resent your accomplishments down the road. (Men still like to bring home the buffalo, so to speak!)
• Be careful how independent you are. You have to be openly communicative and emotionally available. Some women put up big walls that they don’t need a man. It is imperative to show your partner that you want him in your life.
• When you are in a relationship, it is important to respect each other’s individuality. You also both have to be invested in who you are as a couple. One-sided relationships do not work!
• Help each other with work scenarios. Believing in each other’s goals, & supporting each other’s dreams, are relationship builders.
• Never be too busy to take their call or to text them throughout the day. Focus on spending quality time with them. Be careful not to make them feel like you can do everything without them. We all like to feel wanted & appreciated.
• When you are in a relationship as a busy career couple; I suggest hiring someone to help out at home. The last thing you want is to be tied to household duties, as well as your work commitments.
• Regularly scheduled date nights are also crucial to stay romantically connected. This will always keep the spark ignited in your partnership.

If you do decide to start a family down the road:

Be realistic when deciding to start a family. Some careers don’t allow much time for a personal life or for raising children. Your children and partner should always take priority over work. Be clear about this with each other. Not everyone wants children, so make sure you’re both on the same page here.

If you do have children, schedule time for regular date nights. Always make sure you have some quality alone time. Ask for help from your family, that way the kids get to see their relatives and not just a babysitter. Hire a teenager in the neighbourhood to mow your lawn, get your groceries or do other errands. It is worth the few dollars in the long run and gives you more time for your relationship.

In closing

Being an attractive & intelligent woman are wonderful attributes, but not always enough. You must be emotionally present, and openly show that you are receptive to having a reciprocated partnership. Let down your guard & the “I’m too busy with my career” wall. You will never regret making time for love in your life!

Relationships are wonderful and happen naturally when your heart is available. When you aren’t desperately looking for love, it has a way of finding you!  Keep your eyes, mind and heart open but don’t give up your career aspirations. Believe you can have both and make the changes to allow it to happen in your life. Compromise is the key to any wonderful long-term relationship.

Love happens at all ages, and sometimes fate brings it around at the perfect time. Wishing you love and happiness moving forward. Always stay true to yourself and manifest your desires by believing you deserve a loving partnership in your life.

Thank you, Sybersue xo ❤

Private Dating Relationship Coaching With Sybersue – Don’t hesitate to get in touch with me @ [email protected] and message me there to set up a video or audio appointment within 24 hours. Thank you!

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