Understanding the differences between having healthy boundaries versus having emotional barriers when dating.

Boundaries are put in place to protect yourself without pushing people away. Boundaries are about self-respect and self-awareness. This allows people to come into your life who have healthy values and respect your emotional needs. Having these boundaries teaches people how to treat you. They allow you to have a deeper connection when they are also reciprocated.

It’s not always easy to know if you’re setting healthy boundaries or when you’re unknowingly building emotional walls. There can be a fine line between protecting your heart and staying emotionally available. It is important to understand that boundaries create safety, while walls create distance.

Examples of healthy dating boundaries

1. Taking time for yourself without apology or guilt.
2. Being able to openly discuss your emotional needs and what is important to you in a relationship.
3. You are very clear about your personal values and dealbreakers.
4. There are healthy boundaries about being on the same page with a potential partner. You have similar goals when dating or venturing into a partnership.
5. You do not tolerate disrespectful or manipulative behaviour.

Emotional Walls are often built from fear. They are filled with sadness and anger, which act as a repellent.

When you’ve been hurt from a difficult breakup, trauma, or betrayal, you shut down to protect yourself. A loveless or troublesome childhood can also lead to this reaction. You may not even be aware that you have a suit of armour built up around yourself.

Walls are put up due to the fear of being rejected or the fear of getting hurt. This stems from the painful aftermath of past heartbreak or other forms of trauma. This will cause you to become emotionally unavailable, which prevents you from showing any vulnerability. The importance of removing these walls is necessary if you eventually want to have a transparent and trustworthy relationship.

Emotional Walls Include:

1. Avoiding difficult conversations. You often struggle to open up about your feelings.
2. There is limited romance or intimacy. Most affection is surface-level.
3. You feel shut down emotionally and can’t show any vulnerability to anyone.
4. There becomes an unhealthy pattern in your dating life, and you seldom get past the first few dates.
5. You place the blame on others for why you aren’t meeting a potential partner. You don’t take ownership of being emotionally unavailable.
6. Your moods are a mixture of sadness and anger. You can come across as dismissive or uninterested toward others.

If you are presently dating, emotional walls can make meeting someone very difficult.

Are you putting yourself out there, but constantly wondering why you don’t make it past the first or second date? You are probably not aware that you have a protective shield around your heart. If you don’t let your guard down, it closes the door for happiness to enter your life. People can feel the wall you have built up.

This is quite often subconscious self-sabotage and can be the culprit of not being capable of finding a loving partnership. You think you are available to meet a potential partner. However, your body language and broken heart are speaking louder.

How do you know if you have built up a wall?

• Do you find yourself pushing people away when you’re starting to have feelings for someone?
• Do all your relationships end in the early stages?
• Is there a repetitive pattern going on in your dating life or your relationships?
• Do all your relationships start and end in the same way?

If people tell you that you have a wall up, listen to them. They are doing you a favour because you’re probably not aware of this. The problem here is that you are stuck in a repetitive pattern that keeps giving you negative results.

Of course, your heart needs protection, but it is also worthy of love. Please understand that emotional walls don’t protect the heart; they isolate it and prevent any genuine connections from happening.

Past breakups, though very hurtful at times, offer you more clarity of what is important to you. They are not meant to shut you down emotionally, so you never have love again in your life. Whether you’re holding on to rejection, anger or sadness from a past relationship, it is based on fear. You are afraid because you don’t want your heart broken once again. If you don’t open up to anyone, you can’t get hurt again. You live by this motto while getting lonelier every day.

Keeping your walls up is a form of survival. Unfortunately, you’re cheating yourself out of what you truly deserve. Difficult Lessons In Love are very challenging. You are meant to go through certain phases in your life to teach you what is really important.

If you are feeling stuck, please get some counselling to help you break down your barriers

Professional advice will be able to help you build healthy boundaries that allow you to date with confidence. Having boundaries is empowering and keeps you grounded. They are based on love, not fear. They allow you to have a potential connection, while walls often block it. You deserve a relationship where you feel safe and seen. This begins with learning the difference between protecting your heart and hiding behind fear.

Please share your thoughts in the comment section to help others who may be dealing with a similar scenario. If you would like to continue this conversation in a coaching session, please contact me at [email protected]

Please watch the video below for more information on today’s topic:

Thank you, Sybersue xo ❤

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