After a long and very public decline in their relationship, the A-list pair have finally split… and Affleck has wasted no time finding a new pad.

While it may not be quite as opulent as Jeff Bezos’ $600 million investment in Florida’s ‘Billionaire Bunker’ or the infamous SBF’s vast if crumbling real estate empire in the Bahamas, Ben Affleck’s new bachelor pad is still pretty darn nice, and will likely become the envy of every single man from here to Timbuktu.

While you can’t always rely on them for the most morally upstanding journalism out there, you can always rely on The Daily Mail for a wicked celebrity pun, so we thought we might as well open with it: “Jennifer Lopez’s love may not cost a thing, but her divorce from Ben Affleck sure does.” Sources close to the parted pair have told news outlets that the 51-year-old actor and 55-year-old superstar singer are finalising their divorce after trying to salvage their failing relationship.

New Beginnings For Ben

In a somewhat melodramatic turn, friends of Lopez reportedly called the rapid decision to purchase his new $30 million AUD mansion in the Pacific Palisades a “stab in the heart”…. in fairness, not only was it the day they finally settled on divorce but it was also her birthday; cold stuff from Benny. This news also broke less than a week after the couple listed their Beverly Hills mansion for $100 million AUD.

Affleck’s bachelor pad puts most bloke’s homes to shame. There are no mattresses on the floor or pool chairs in the living room here; this is a full-blown mansion, complete with five bedrooms, six bathrooms, a top-of-the-line media room and a guest house, along with a host of other luxurious features. The home was designed by Cliff May and is nestled in one of LA’s most desirable zip codes…

A source close to the pair added this: “At that time, they will come up with a joint statement saying how they have much love for each other and how they fought to make it work but couldn’t.” Another source verified this:

“Honestly, at the end of it all, they just stopped compromising with each other. What they had before is gone, and they have both accepted it.”

Lopez Is Moving On Too

Upset as she may have been at Affleck’s new investment, Lopez closed on the sale of her four-bedroom New York City penthouse on the very same day, garnering her a tidy $35 million AUD. Despite the handsome payday, sources have said that Lopez spent her birthday in the Hamptons feeling very introspective about the end of her marriage:

“If it is only a question of putting the work in, then you had better believe that [Jen] will turn it around […] She has poured her heart and soul into her love story with Ben and she’s not letting him go without a fight.”

Lopez gave off a decidedly moody vibe in a cryptic birthday message to her 251 million Instagram followers over the weekend, confessing to feeling “fragile” but nevertheless thanked her fans — whom she referred to as her “biggest gift” — for their ongoing support.

The divorce completes the seemingly never-ending circle of their high-profile romance as both finally appear hell-bent on moving on. While Lopez is working through the hurt by focusing on her career and family, Ben’s got some furniture and a whacking great TV to pick out…