A few months ago, I found myself sitting in bumper-to-bumper traffic, running late to meet my friend, “Sarah” for dinner. 

As I inched along the highway toward her neighbourhood (45 minutes from mine), a familiar pattern started to crystallize.

Every dinner with Sarah followed the same script: I’d suggest getting together, she’d pick a restaurant near her place, and I’d battle cross-town traffic to meet her there.

After years of friendship, I couldn’t remember a single time she’d offered to come to my neighborhood, or even meet somewhere in between. 

During our dinner, I decided to be direct:

“I love catching up but I’ve noticed I’m often the one who has to initiate. Can you organize the next meetup somewhere in-between?”

She agreed, “Of course!”

Three months passed without a word from her.

Here’s what I learned:

• Sometimes we don’t notice relationships are one-sided until we stop doing all the work
• If you are the glue holding a relationship together, resentment will build
• There’s a difference between a blip and a chronic pattern. People who habitually take and do not reciprocate will continue behaving that way

When Sarah finally did reach out, it wasn’t to catch up – it was because she needed something.

That’s when I realized: this wasn’t really a friendship – it was a pattern of convenience. For her.

Today, I have a simple rule: 

I match energy. If someone consistently shows they won’t meet me halfway – literally or figuratively – I take note and adjust my investment accordingly.

Question for you: 

Are there any one-side relationships in your life? What would happen if you took you foot off the gas pedal? 

PS: You can read this blog that discusses what causes us to overgive. Also, you can learn more about relationship patterns in my book “Breakup Bootcamp.” Check it out here.

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