Move over situationships and cuffing season.

A new wave of dating terminology has entered the zeitgeist.

The terms might sound playful.

But they reveal something deeper about how people are navigating love right now.

Gone are the days when relationships unfolded in a relatively straightforward way.

Today’s dating landscape is filled with ambiguity, blurred boundaries, and behaviors that can leave people confused about what just happened.

It’s messy, often painful, and will most definitely leave your heart broken.

But the more you understand these patterns, the easier it becomes to recognize them — and protect your heart.

Inspired by the movie Shrek, where Fiona fell in love with an ogre and got her happily ever after.

Shrekking is when someone dates down on looks in hopes that a less attractive partner will treat them better.

But in real life, attraction doesn’t operate like a moral exchange.

Some people assume that if someone is less conventionally attractive, they’ll be more appreciative. More loyal. More invested.

Unfortunately, someone’s character and emotional maturity have nothing to do with how attractive they are.

Lowering your standards doesn’t guarantee better treatment.

It just means you’re evaluating the wrong criteria.

The real skill isn’t choosing someone based on appearance.

It’s learning how to assess someone’s values, character, and emotional availability — regardless of what package they come in.

Ghostlighting is a toxic twist on ghosting.

You know… like ghosting on steroids.

It’s like a push-and-pull dynamic with an extra twist and turn — leaving you questioning what’s real and what’s not.

Chaos disguised as connection.
Is it even love at all?

Ghostlighting happens when someone disappears completely… then reappears as if nothing happened.

But here’s the psychological twist.

If you question their disappearance, they brush it off or subtly turn it back on you.

They might say something like:

“I thought you were overwhelmed so I didn’t want to bother you.”

Now suddenly the conversation shifts.

Instead of them explaining their behavior, you’re defending your reaction.

Ghostlighting thrives in modern dating because so many connections exist in the gray zone.

You’re texting.
You’re hanging out.
Maybe even hooking up.

But nothing has actually been defined.

That ambiguity creates the perfect environment for people to disappear without accountability.

Monkeybarring is when someone lines up their next relationship before letting go of the current one.

Like swinging across monkey bars, they don’t let go of one bar until they’ve grabbed the next.

In dating, it might look like this:

Someone emotionally invests in a new person while still in a relationship.

They slowly detach from their partner.

And they only leave once the next connection feels secure.

For the partner left behind, the breakup can feel sudden.

But often the emotional exit started long before the relationship officially ended.

Monkeybarring usually reveals a deeper discomfort with being alone.

Instead of processing the end of a relationship, someone jumps immediately into the next one.

Closure gets skipped.

Growth gets postponed.

And the same patterns repeat.

The Pattern Behind These Trends

Different behaviors. Same underlying problem.

People are entering relationships without the skills to evaluate compatibility, communicate clearly, and choose partners intentionally.

Modern dating gives us more options than ever before.

But more options don’t automatically create better relationships.

Better relationships come from better decision-making.

Want to Date Smarter?

If you keep encountering frustrating patterns in your love life, there’s usually a reason.

In my upcoming book UNSINGLE: How to Date Smarter and Create Love That Lasts, I break down the psychology behind attraction, attachment, and relationship patterns.

So you can stop repeating the same dynamics — and start creating healthier love.

“The lovers you choose are either reflections of a repeated cycle, or bridges to a new beginning.” 

– Amy Chan, UNSINGLE: How to Date Smarter and Create Love That Lasts 

Related