Those who receive my weekly newsletter know that I write a new article each week that I send out for free to those who subscribe. The articles are my way of connecting with my community and sharing information that fulfills my commitment to help men and their families to live fully, love deeply, and make a positive difference in the world. The articles also address issues that help me improve my life for myself and my family.

                Not every article is helpful for all 12,000 current subscribers, but some articles speak to many, and a few go viral on the web and are read by millions. That was the case with an article I wrote on February 3, 2017 titled “The One Thing Men Want More Than Sex Is The One Thing Women Find It Hard to Give.” Within a few months after it was published it was read by more than three-million people.

                The article began this way:

                “How many times have we heard the phrase, ‘All men want is sex?’ When I was 17 years old I was sure it was true. When I was 37 years old, I suspected it might not be true. And now that I’m 73 years old, I know it’s not true. Now don’t get me wrong, sex can be wonderful at any age, but there’s something that is more important than sex, but it’s something that men have difficulty admitting and women have difficulty giving.”

                “This understanding has dawned on me slowly and became most evident to me in my men’s group. I’ve been meeting regularly with six other guys for thirty-eight years and sex has been a topic that has run through our discussions over the years.”

                The men’s group has now been meeting for forty-six years. Four of the seven guys have died and only three of us are still on the earth and able to meet live. When we began meeting in 1979, there were three guys older than me and three guys younger. I am the oldest now and I’ll be 82 in December. The other two guys are approaching eighty. We met yesterday and one of the guys shared that he had been asked by a friend: “If you died tomorrow, is there anything you would regret?”  

                He thought about the question and admitted that there were probably a number of things, but one there was something he knew for sure.

                “The time I have spent with you guys in the men’s group gave me the gift of a life-time knowing that I am safe — that nothing I say or do will ever cause the guys in the group to reject me.”

                That’s exactly what I had written about in the original article:

                “So, what do men want more than sex? We’ve all heard that women need to feel loved to have sex, but men need to have sex to feel loved. Let’s look more deeply at what it is exactly that men are getting when they get sex. Sure, there is the physical pleasure, but there is a deeper need that is being satisfied. I call it the need for a safe harbor.”

                When people visit my website, they see my welcome video “Confessions of a Twice-Divorced Marriage Counselor.” One of the seventeen books I’ve written was titled Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places. It captured the challenges I had finding real, lasting, love. My present wife, Carlin, will tell you that one of the main reasons she and I have been married for forty-five years now is because I have been in a men’s group for forty-six years.

                We live in a world where most of us do not feel safe. The environment that is our life support system continues to deteriorate, and our relationships often feel fraught with danger and conflict. During my forty-six years in the men’s group, I found the safe harbor that I believe we are all looking to find in our love lives.

                Ultimately, the safe harbor we all crave is inside each one of us. We must learn to love ourselves unconditionally, to know that we will accept ourselves despite the mistakes we all make being imperfect human beings. To do that, I believe we must be surrounded by family, friends, and communities that are healthy and supportive.

                AI, or artificial intelligence, has become a significant presence in everyone’s lives. Like a great deal in the world today, the response to AI polarizes people. There are those who believe at AI will solve all the problems that humans have created and lead to a world beauty and wonder. Others believe AI will kill us all.

                One of the true experts I have learned to trust is Mo Gawdat, author of a number of books including Scary Smart: The Future of Artificial Intelligence and How You can Save Our World. Mo is the former chief business officer of Google X, a serial entrepreneur, and host of a successful podcast, Slo Mo, where I had the pleasure of being interviewed.

                In Scary Smart, Mo says,

                “This book is a wake-up call. It is written for you and for me and for everyone who is uninformed about the approaching pandemic — the imminent arrival of artificial intelligence.” He goes on to say that “this book will be criticized by experts, but it is not experts who have the capability to alleviate the threat facing humanity as a result of the emergence of superintelligence. No, it is you and I who have that power. More importantly it is you and I who have that responsibility.”

                In a recent article on MenAlive, I wrote an article highlighting the work of two colleagues, Scott Galloway and Richard Reeves, who have taken that responsibility seriously. Though Scott, Richard, and I have very different professional backgrounds, we are also fathers of sons, and we share a concern for the well-being of all children everywhere.

                Scott Galloway is a professor of marketing at NYU’s Stern School of business and a serial entrepreneur. He credits Richard Reeves as “my Yoda and expert on boys and men.” (Reeves is the Founder of the American Institute for Boys and Men and author of the book Of Boys and Men: Why The Modern Male is Struggling, Why It Matters, and What to Do About It).

                In his recently released book, Notes on Being a Man, Galloway devotes a chapter to “Sex, Love, and Marriage,” and warns about the dangers boys and men are experiencing as a result of the increasing use of online search for sex, love, and intimacy.

                “We used to meet potential mates at school, at work, through friends, and out in the world,” says Galloway. “No longer. Online dating shares the flaws with other technologies that scale our instincts. Algorithms are indifferent to social interests, and that, coupled with human nature, gave us January 6 and QAnon.”

                In his No Mercy/No Malice article, September 5, 2025, Galloway noted “Loneliness is lucrative” and cited the following:

                “Leonid Radvinsky, the secretive owner of OnlyFans, received a $700 million windfall last year, while the platform’s top tier of content creators — mostly women — earn millions annually. With $7.2 billion in annual gross revenue and just 46 employees, OnlyFans may be one of the most profitable companies on the planet. The site is viewed as a porn-centric hub where men pay women for sexual content.”

                Galloway concludes saying,

                “While OnlyFans is known for its subscription model, one-off transactions are driving 88 percent of the revenue growth. These ‘tips’ are an arbitrage on the disparity between the biological impulse to mate and the lack of mating opportunities.”

                And males pay a high price in money spent and emotions manipulated through on-line hope to find someone to satisfy our human needs for connection.  

                But it isn’t just a site like OnlyFans that concerns Galloway. In Notes on Being a Man he looks more broadly at the online world that attracts so many boys and men.

                “Dating apps sort potential partners into a tiny group of haves and a titanic group of have-nots,” says Galloway. “On Hinge, the top 10 percent of men receive nearly 60 percent of the ‘likes;’ the comparable figure for women is 45 percent. The bottom 80 percent of male Tinder users, based on percentage of likes received, are competing for the bottom 22 percent of women. If it were a country, Tinder would be among the most unequal in the world.”

                Galloway encourages boys and men to take risks to meet people in the real world, not the artificial world on-line.

                “Look up and around you when you’re out, to see if anyone catches your eye. Talk to strangers. Be open to possibility.”

                That may be easier said than done. I have learned that it is easy to become addicted to the online world. As I described in my book, Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places: Overcoming Romantic and Sexual Addictions. We need to support boys and men in re-learning the skills to look for love in all the right places.

                I appreciate you reading my articles, sharing them, and offering your comments or questions. You can write me to [email protected]. I read all emails and respond to as many as I can. You can subscribe to our free weekly newsletter here.

                “Will AI make us smarter or just faster fools? I’m betting heavily on the ‘faster fools’ outcome unless we get very, very smart about designing these systems to counteract our worst instincts, not just cater to them.” Vivienne L’Ecuyer Ming