The reign of online dating and its hallmark “swipe culture” is experiencing a steep decline. Apps like Tinder, Bumble, and Hinge became the go-to for people looking for love, or at least a connection. But recent trends suggest this phenomenon is waning. More people are expressing fatigue with the superficiality, gamification, and often disappointing outcomes of these platforms. My therapy practice and self-reports of friends have also reflected this.

I wonder if despite recent years of the popularity of using online dating apps to “connect,” that people are lonelier than ever within them.

According to the Harvard article, What is Causing the Epidemic of Loneliness and How Can We Fix It?, researchers identified technology as a primary driver (73% of those surveyed). Perhaps despite technology in many cases helping to bring people together, it also has the ability to pull them apart in the inherent systems it provides. In online dating, the swipe, swipe, swipe…exploiting the brain’s dopamine reward system with a potentially never-ending cycle of anticipation and gratification. But there is a downside to this as there always is with addictive cycles.

A 2023 Pew Research Center study revealed widespread dissatisfaction with online dating, citing frustration and negative experiences. Where quick judgments based on limited profiles can lead to shallow interactions, ghosting and breadcrumbing are common, leaving individuals feeling disheartened and disposable. The constant pressure to present a curated online persona and the endless cycle of swiping and messaging has also led many to feel overall dating app fatigue. Surely this ultimately fuels loneliness on a popular app in a sea of people, yet lonely within it with people unable to stop the urge to keep seeking. “Perhaps there is someone better…”

As a therapist for many years and working on my own growth in parallel, I can say with certainty that authenticity is a sweet spot. Much of what brings people in to therapy is internal disconnection from that and/or a lack of authentic connections with others. Putting on social masks and playing games actually requires quite a bit of energy and can be stressful. Through the course of the online dating phenomenon, it appears communication styles have shifted from more direct to murky, leaving many unclear of how the other feels with inconsistency or worse, simply disappearing. Ouch. It makes sense that people have had enough and are leaning back towards a more organic process of meeting others, in real life.

Where are people turning who create genuine connection?

The power of real-life interactions is being rediscovered via joining clubs, attending social events, and pursuing hobbies providing opportunities to meet people with shared interests. Others are exploring alternative dating platforms which prioritize quality interactions over endless swiping. Matchmaking services are also gaining popularity, offering a personalized approach to finding compatible partners. Clients have told me they have enjoyed sites that offer various connection around activities and hobbies, like MeetUp.com.

While online dating will surely continue to have a place in modern dating, the shift away from swipe culture appears to reflect a desire for more meaningful connections and authentic experiences. This is not to undervalue the real connections and love that has been found online because this is also true. But many now seem to understand that we need, at the very least, a more balanced approach to dating.