Giving too much to a man for nothing in return can feel humiliating. 

But that humiliation is nothing compared to the regret, the hatred and the resentment you’ll be carrying 10 years down the track after sacrificing so much. 

10 years down the track when you realize he was the wrong guy, and you’ve been taken advantage of. 

The cost isn’t just the 10 years, it’s the resentment that steals away your appeal and your value to the right man for you.

Related reading: 8 Revealing Questions to Ask A Guy to Know His Intentions.

The RIGHT Man Vs the WRONG Man

I’ve been doing this work since 2009, there’s nothing I haven’t seen women go through in their relationships.

I’ve also learned that everything is contextual.

What I mean is, when it comes to the wrong man for you, there’s almost nothing I’d recommend you give to him. Unless we’re talking about the initial few dates and you’re testing for reciprocity.

However, when it’s the right man, I have very few rules on what NOT to give him. 

Because the right man would do anything for you, and you for him. That’s the way it’s meant to be, but it’s not always the way things are in reality.

There’s a predictable pattern among the women who are dissatisfied in their relationship with a man and feel like they’re giving too much. 

These women who give too much, are exactly the types of women who tend to lose their man to another woman because they just aren’t aware that giving more doesn’t make them suddenly become the RIGHT woman for the man.

Despite them sinking a decade of their life into this man, he breaks up with her, then goes and marries Miss Perfect within 6 months of the breakup. 

Since we can’t expect men to be able to articulate their deepest, darkest thoughts and desires to you, I decided to write this article so that you NEVER get stuck wasting your energy, emotions and time on the wrong man ever again.

Watch out for these 4 humiliating signs you’re giving too much to a man. 

Here’s the video I made for you on the 4 signs you’re giving too much to him:

#1: He Has Rules & They Don’t Feel Fair To You

Some people in this world go into their relationships with a bunch of rules for what their lover has to do, and they don’t bend those rules in any circumstances.

You know that old saying, rules are made to be broken? Well, not only is it true. There’s a good reason for it.

It’s because human resources are finite, not infinite. 

What that means is if his rules dictate that you must take full care of cooking, cleaning and the kids whilst he takes care of something else (such as building a business and bringing in money), but he’d rather enforce that strict rule at any cost to you, your energy and sanity, that’s unfair.

And you’ll feel it when you hit burnout.

This is why I’ve never been a fan of teaching women or men hard RULES in dating. I have guidelines, but not rules. 

The only “rules” I’ve taught are related to a standard you have for yourself inside of an established relationship where two people love each other. 

These 5 rules I teach are more about giving more back to yourself, so that you’re overall more emotionally resourceful inside of a relationship as well as being more emotionally resourceful for your guy.

You can read those 5 rules to ensure success with men here. 

Here’s the thing:

Most rules people have for the other party at the start of a relationship (and years down the track) are unrealistic and eventually become unfair to one person, leading to a power struggle. 

So here’s what you need to watch out for in your relationship:

If your guy has rigid rules for what you must do but you’re at the point of burning out and he still insists that his rules are what you agreed upon, you might be giving too much. 

Also, make sure that when you look back upon your own actions, that you feel like you’ve given him ample opportunity to truly see and hear how you feel (that you’re burning out).

Because GOOD, decent men can’t adjust their rules unless you express how you feel. 

Even then, some men don’t care because they lack empathy. Watch out for those.

#2: He Has No Sense of Reciprocity 

You know how much the internet hates entitled people. Well, entitled people generally aren’t sensitive to whether they’re reciprocating or not in a relationship. 

Selfish people, men or women, don’t care about reciprocating in any way. 

If you find that you’re cooking and cleaning and being there for him emotionally, but when it’s time to be there for you emotionally, he completely checks out and runs away, he doesn’t understand reciprocity and you might be giving too much. 

MORE: Pleaser Women Lose Out: The Difference Between Pleasing And Giving.

How would you know if your man has no sense of reciprocity? 

It’s not when you’re giving what YOU think is value to him, it’s when you offer something that’s actually of value to him as a man, and he still doesn’t reciprocate and give you something in return. 

Recommended: The Most Valuable Thing A Woman Can Give To A Man. 

For example, let’s say in the bedroom you are always willing to do what he asks, yet he won’t give back to you and only cares about his own pleasure, that’s him not reciprocating. 

Another example would be when you spend your energy and time building up his confidence and self esteem, but he not only never returns that emotional generosity, he actually prefers to bring you down a notch or two.

Controlling men can be like that. 

A good example of this type of relationship is in the recent Netflix movie Alice, Darling. I highly recommend it – Anna Kendrick and all the women in this movie were great.

Here’s the bottom line:

Not every man is generous enough nor has high enough self esteem that he is willing to alleviate your fears and add to your confidence. 

Recommended: 5 Telltale Signs He Has Crippling Low Self Esteem. 

Some men are only willing to steal your attention, time and energy to stroke their own ego. 

If you’ve experienced giving a lot to a man whilst he never gives back in return, comment with your experience below. I’m sure there are thousands of other examples, and your experience will help other women. 

Do the quiz: how commitment friendly is my man?

#3: He Makes You Ignore Your Feelings

Believe it or not, this sign was contributed by my husband David, and here’s what he said: 

“Whenever a man makes a woman ignore her feelings, that’s a very bad sign.”

So what do we mean by ignoring your feelings? 

For example, every time you try to share how you feel, he oppresses your feelings. 

Surprisingly, this can actually be quite common. Specifically among men who think women are below them just by virtue of being women, or having a predominantly feminine nature. 

They think that because women are less predictable and more emotional, that it makes their way of approaching life worthless. 

On that note, I recommend you read my article: Should Women Control Their Emotions to Be High Value?

These men might cut you off the moment you share your feelings or literally force you to be direct like he would, rather than giving you space to express who you really are deep down inside.

When I say force you, I really mean he’s acting from his own resentment and aggressively making you fit into his box so that in his perception, everything would be more under control. 

It’s oppressive in the same way that women oppress men by keeping their balls in a jar, or being disparaging whenever they express their masculine direction and decisions.

MORE: The #1 Sign He’s A Superior Man. 

So why are you giving too much if he is forcing you to ignore your feelings? 

It’s because whilst you’re offering up your time to be with him indefinitely, he’s crushing your feminine soul and your natural gifts as a woman.

Gifts? Yes, gifts. Your feelings matter more than most men will ever, ever know.

Why? Because there’s a huge cost to suppressing a woman’s feelings. 

And I’m not talking about you attacking him with vitriol or making him pay for your past bad experiences here, that’s your emotional residue that has nothing to do with him in the present moment.

I’m talking about you actually feeling your feelings. 

Without feeling all of your feelings, good or bad, difficult or easy, you as a woman cannot be fully free to engage with your maternal instincts nor the depth of your nurturing. 

Instead you’re forced into becoming a shell of your former self, and for what? 

For some guy who doesn’t give a damn about how you feel? Yeah, no thanks. 

Staying in a relationship like this is not only toxic to your feminine soul, it’ll make you more toxic over time. For more information on this, see my article: 10 Seemingly Harmless Signs of  Toxic Relationship. 

#4: He Tells You You’re Not “The One” But You Keep Hoping

So this is very common among women. 

But despite being directly told by a man that they are not “the one”, they hold onto blind hope.

Like a used and abused pet, they stay with the guy. 

All the while letting false hope drag them closer and closer to their 45th birthday, when this guy will inevitably find another woman to call their “one and only”, and then she’ll be left single and alone at 45. 

Of course, we could argue that women stay in these situations because they’re also getting something in return. 

Sometimes, the convenience and predictability of having a man around, even a low quality man, is enough for a woman to risk 100% of her reproductive years. 

Sometimes it’s sex that the woman is getting, or social and financial perks she doesn’t want to let go of.

Regardless, you have to ask yourself as a woman: is the convenience of what I’m getting now worth the huge blow to my self esteem? 

Is it worth the opportunity cost of me dating other, high value men?

Because let me tell you one thing: even if you have other men in the background who are interested in you, most high value men will walk the other way when they see you are attached to someone else. 

They aren’t always going to want to risk their safety by chasing someone else’s girl. 

In their mind, they could get bashed. 

Plus, if their emotional connection isn’t even built up with you, why take the risk on you? 

Why not choose another high value single woman who is actually available?

If you’d like to discover how commitment-friendly your guy really is, why not come and take my free quiz: How Commitment-friendly is your man? CLICK HERE to take the quiz.

Final Words 

I know that it’s rare that you would find it easy to make big decisions in your love life, especially when you’re already sunk many years into a man.

But if after reading this article (or watching the video, which I recommend you do), you are certain that he’s taking advantage of you, then I implore you remember that there’s a cost either way.

Which cost do you prefer to pay? That is up to you. 

Oh also, I recommend you get feedback on your thoughts and feelings after reading this article as well. Either from a trusted girlfriend, a therapist or a family member.

Sometimes we really need that objective party to balance out our feelings. 

Plus, you really don’t want to go attacking your guy impulsively…that has painful consequences for you in and of itself. 

I wish you all the best out there. I know it’s tough!

P.S. CLICK HERE to check out my full article archives! Or you may greatly benefit from one of our highly popular paid programs, CLICK HERE to see what we offer right now.

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Renee is the founder of The Feminine Woman & co-founder of Shen Wade Media where we teach women how to show up as a high value high status woman whom easily inspires a deep sense of emotional commitment from her chosen man. She graduated with a bachelor of Law and bachelor of Arts majoring in sociology and psychology. She has been a dating and relationship coach for women in the past 15 years and together with her husband D. Shen at Commitment Triggers blog, they have positively influenced the lives of over 20 million women through their articles and videos as well as 10’s of thousands through paid programs through the Shen Wade Media platform.

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